There are so many reasons why someone should wish to 'get away from it all', but I suppose it was seeing all that hooliganism surrounding Sunday's Football match at Wembley that finally prompted our conversation about where we should escape to. A lot of humanity seems to be out of control, and we need tranquillity.
'Where' was our first concern. We considered most of the world, then eventually plumped for a small Caribbean island. It would need to have about 50 acres, one or two beautiful beaches, a natural safe harbour, and no nasty wildlife.
We would not be going alone; this would be a collective move. With us would come a carpenter, a farmer, a fisherman, a nurse (with comprehensive first-aid kit), and maybe some sort of 'technician'. All would be experts in their fields, but more importantly they would need to be 'stable'; no hang-ups, phobias, or hidden angry spouses. It's those people that we'd be getting away from.
Ideally our island (called Arcadia Island) would have 'seasons'; nothing below about 10 C in Winter, and not too much above 30 C in Summer. It would be fertile, its surrounding waters filled with easily caught self-sacrificing fish and shellfish, and its interior rich in Wild Boar, Chickens, Goats, and Rabbits. It would also need a fresh water spring.
No electricity would be allowed on Arcadia Island, no radios or TVs, no newspapers or mobile phones, no religions or party politics. There will be no hand sanitiser, face masks, or social distancing; everyone would have been triple-checked for viruses.
No motorised transport of any sort would be allowed, just bicycles on shore, or rowing boats at sea. There will be no money, tokens, IOU's, debentures, or banks.
Even though our mantra would be 'Peace, Love, and Understanding', we would still need to be armed. Any takeover attempt of our island, by nasty, virus-bearing, anti-vaxxer, woke liberals, would be met by very long wooden poles to repel landing. The one thing we would not tolerate would be that which instigated our move.
Applications are now being invited. Name, address, and initial fee of £100k (towards expenses) must be lodged on this page before December 25th.
Will there be a whiskey supply? And servants? Can I bring a solar electricity panel to charge my phone, just in case of emergencies of course.
ReplyDeleteThe island will have three taps. One for Single Malt Whisky, another for Red Wine, and the third for Olive Oil. Sorry; no mobile phone!
DeleteI hope there will be a Champagne well? If not, then a decent Prosecco fountain would do for me (I set my sights quite low).
ReplyDeleteLook, I'm only prepared to supply the Whisky and Wine, it'll be up to you to sort out the rest!
DeleteI think a group of people did something similar to this off the coast of Panama years ago. Ultimately the project failed because people fell out with each other!
ReplyDeleteThat's why you'd need at least 50 acres, to keep people from fighting each other.
DeleteYou wouldn't be allowed to take all these people to your island on Desert Island Discs.
ReplyDeleteYou'd have to ask for a very large empty box, then fill it at the final moment. They'd never know.
DeleteShouldn't the deadline date for applications be April 1st?
ReplyDeleteNo, I shall need the money for my Turkey and Plum Pudding.
DeleteYou have about as much chance of a) finding such a place and finding it available and b) getting appliciations as Santa Claus has of finding the island and getting down your chimney.
ReplyDeleteAm I the only person who's bubble you've burst today?
DeleteI can just turn off my television for a lot less money than that. PS, in my world, I am called a liberal.
ReplyDeleteI will spend a few hours in the garden and I will ponder this strange world we live in. Doubtless by the time I'm closing up the gate, I will feel much better about life in general.
A lot of us used to be proud to call ourselves liberals, but today it has other meanings, to which we are less attached.
DeleteI feel that it wouldn’t work …. Not sure why ….. maybe perfection isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be !!! XXXX
ReplyDeleteI would ensure that the nurse (with her first-aid kit) would look after your arm! How's that for a bonus?
DeleteI’ll send a £100K cheque in the next post 🤣😂🤣 XXXX
DeleteI would join you like a shot. Is there an age limit and are pets allowed? Don´t need a whiskey tap but a gin one would be nice.
ReplyDeleteI hadn't thought about pets, but Billy would certainly be coming with us. We'd also need a few Tabbies to keep the mice at bay.
DeleteNah, don't want any moggies - I enjoy my gardening too much to continue putting up with those creatures using my plot as a toilet. Mind you, my little Bichon would ensure no cats would dare to enter HIS garden! I'll organise my own Pinot Grigio, but it might take a while to amass that initial £100k . . .
ReplyDeleteThe PG we would tolerate, but not any tardiness with the £100k.
DeleteI'm ready Cro, and so George, Marco, Gregg and I will book our tickets asap. See you there!
ReplyDeleteHallelujah.
DeleteI could live like this for 6 months as a break from it all. After that, I'd need the big bad world and all that goes with it. (I know this about myself from sailing experiences.)
ReplyDeleteI'm only a part-time hermit at the moment, but I'd be quite happy to go full-time!
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