How to become an INFLUENCER.

 

I've been wondering about this for a few years now, and I think I may have found the answer.

Originally I'd imagined that you simply had to be a bikini clad bimbo from somewhere East of London, where you were either a model, or a barmaid, or even both. You took some 'selfies', showing your 'Stunning Curves', and sent them to The Daily Mail, along with a CV stating that you were an 'Influencer'. It all sounded very simple; anyone could do it.

But it seems that it's not quite so easy. I looked on WIKI, and the rules are quite specific. There are various CATEGORIES of Influencer, and they are rigorously controlled. They are.....

A Nano Influencer has between 1,000 and 10,000 'followers'

A Micro Influencer has between 10,000 and 100,000 'followers'

A Macro Influencer has between 100,000 and A Million 'followers'

And a Celebrity Influencer has anything over A Million 'followers'.

I know what you're thinking; who or what are all these 'followers'? Well, once you have told The Daily Mail that you are an Influencer, you then establish Social Media accounts on Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok, YouTube, etc, and wait for 'fans' to express their love for you, and promise to 'follow' your every word. Hey Presto... you have become an official Influencer, blessed by Queen Katie of Price herself.

Next, how to earn your first million. This might take a few weeks, but when you advance from Nano to Micro, a small-time manufacturer of some Teenage 'Make-up' (it might be called 'Pretty Pink Lipsticks') might approach you, and offer a deal to promote their sickly Pink Lipstick.

Now advertised as 'Miss Bimbo's range of Fabulous Friday Nite Cozmetix', you will earn 0.02p on every product sold. 

It will take at least a week before you become a Millionaire, buy your first pink Range Rover, and put a deposit on that Apartment (overlooking the sea) you've always dreamed of in Torremolinos.

The second Million arrives by magic whilst you're taking more 'selfies' on some Spanish beach. It's as easy as that!

Stranger than Fiction

 

It sounds like FANTASY, but as we all know, our present UK Home secretary, Muslim Shabana Mahmood, has handed over £662 Million to the French to help stop illegal migrant rubber boats from leaving their shores, and heading for El Dorado. The French of course were very happy to receive this large donation and said 'Merci beaucoup Madame'.

Who came-up with the £662 Million figure is still unclear.

Just recently our Shadow Home Secretary Chris Philp was in Calais to see how things were going, and to assess what value the UK was receiving, for all our extreme generosity.

He stood on the shore and watched as huge overloaded boats headed for Dover. With him watching, and waving farewell, was a whole garrison of French Gendarmes.

When Philp asked them why they weren't attempting to stop them, he was told that they'd been instructed "Not to Intervene". Presumably just to stand-by and 'watch'.

So, let's get this right. We pay them £662 Million to intervene, and now we hear that the Gendarmes themselves have been instructed "not to intervene".

Would it be churlish of me to tell Mahmood to get off her effing backside and demand our effing money back? Who are these bloody lefty idiots?

Well, I suppose it's not HER money after all. It belongs to US, the mugs who pay Taxes, and with Handy-Andy up North, we're soon going to pay a bloody sight more.

Give me bloody strength!!! It's TRUE; the lunatics really are running the asylum.

Get on with it, and Finish the Job!

I have mentioned on several occasions, that on my brief 'Officer Training Course' the first thing we were taught were the hard-n-fast rules of all warfare. 

On page one of the 'How to win a War' book was written 'Know your enemy, go in strong, and go in hard'.... Also to prepare one's 'end game'. I think that advice is as important today, as it was when the (fictitious) book was written.

Frankly, Tru*p has dithered in Iran, and has ended-up with a total mess, not only in Iran itself, but also in the Straits of Hormuz (which Iran still controls). He has had no real success against Iran's war machine, and has already made an agreement to give them $Billions to rebuild the bits he's knocked-about a bit. The war itself has already cost the USA many $Billions, and Trump will soon be asking Congress for MORE!

You certainly don't start negotiating 'ceasefires' when the job is half done. What he needed was to destroy ALL OF THEIR rocket launching, and 'enrichment' sites, all of their barracks, all of their air and naval forces, and all of their runways and ports. He also needed to liberate the Iranian people themselves, and establish some form of democracy. Only then might you 'negotiate'.

Where are all those 'clean' Neutron Bombs we kept hearing about? They could have finished this 'war' in a couple of days!

Tru*p will now come away much poorer, whilst leaving the same regime in place. Iran's military capacity is still very strong, whilst his own is depleted. And he has still not gained control over Hormuz. At the moment he knows that the more infrastructure he destroys, the more it'll cost him to rebuild.

So far, I would call that an Iranian win! So why would they bother to negotiate?

A pressing problem for No 10 North.

 

The 'professionals' who criticise Government spending seem to be concentrating on the cost of 'Care for the Elderly'.

There are never easy ways to balance the books, but there are always ways to stop waste. There is always only so much in the coffers, the NHS wants a good chunk, National Defence is always after more, Education has recently been given self-inflicted wounds (which they are perfectly happy about), and of course the 'BENEFITS BILL' is astronomical.

I just did a tiny bit of research. It seems that the amount of people requiring 'Care' in the UK is round about ONE MILLION (figures vary hugely). At the same time we are housing, and paying generously, another ONE MILLION illegal immigrants.

The annual bill to pay for all the illegals is about £5.5 BILLION per annum (nice hotels, pocket money, etc. Prison costs for all their criminals are a different matter). Whilst money to pay for the care for our elderly seems to be running out, and no-one has a solution. Meanwhile the illegals continue to arrive, and we even send boats out to mid-Channel to bring them here.

Now, I have to admit that my knowledge of Government Finance is sorely lacking, but even I can see that something ain't right. We are giving huge sums to people who have no right to be in our country, and have NEVER paid into the system. Yet we haven't enough to pay for our own citizens who have probably paid-in ALL THEIR LIVES, and need some help in their final years.

I haven't yet heard the new boy 'Aye-up Andy' offering any solution to the problem, and somehow I doubt if I will. He is more interested in other matters, such as moving Downing Street up North so he can be closer to his Mum & Dad.

So, let me have your thoughts on this matter. I am genuinely very interested.

Who should we prioritise?

Walnut Oil

I've shown this short video before, but I think it's worth showing again.

This a nearby farm with it's own ancient press for making Walnut oil. I drink a soup-spoon of oil every day, in the same way that the Greeks drink Olive oil. It is filled with health benefits, and I would recommend it to everyone.

This particular bottle (below) was bought from a really lovely old chap at our local Saturday Market who has a small press on his farm. I forgot to ask him where he came from, I know of one farm in our village where they have a press; maybe he's from there. 

The oil is unfiltered and delicious, and comes with a delightfully hand-written label. Before returning to the UK, I shall certainly buy a few more bottles for the coming Winter.

The oil is superb; the real McCoy.

 

Planning.

 

We have been presented with a really worrying dilemma.

My oldest and best friend and his daughter, who are local farmers, own a nearby field on which they want to build a house. Kimbo was at school with the daughter so I suppose she's HIS oldest friend too.

Our tiny hamlet consists of three very old, and very beautiful, stone houses, set amongst perfect agricultural land. It has amusingly been known as the village's 'Riviera' on account of its spectacular location, and of being a bit 'posh' (non-farmers).

I am the doyen of both our, and the adjoining hamlets, and ever since I bought our tiny ancient ruin back in about 1976, I have ALWAYS been given the assurance that land here could NEVER be developed, on account of it being for agricultural use only. I was assured that nothing could ever change!

If they get the go-ahead, it would open the flood-gates for people to build on other bits of agricultural land elsewhere. A precedent would have been established.

On the above map the plot is measured in yellow, and the house behind it is the most beautiful (and expensive) of our three. The proposed building plot is right opposite the house. Haddock's is plot No 0413, and our house further off to the right.

This Million Euro house has just recently been sold, and the new owners are very pleasant, but I have heard that they (like us) are NOT HAPPY. The proposed new-build is literally a few metres from their front door. Their perfectly tranquil view would be instantly ruined. I cannot imagine someone building in the field in front of us!

I'm not going to fall-out with my friends, but I shall certainly let them know my feelings. We all feel as if we've just been slapped around the face.

I shall, of course, oppose the building request in writing (already done); I value the beauty and privacy of our lovely little hamlet too much. Our house is probably the least affected by the proposal, but I shall say 'NO'; more on behalf of the other two home owners, than ourselves.

THIS CANNOT HAPPEN.

Londonshire

 

With our new anti-London and anti-South East England Prime Minister (some bloke called Aye-up Andy) wanting to move the UK's seat of power up to some northern town, I would like to propose that London and the Home Counties declares UNIVERSAL INDEPENDENCE a.s.a.p. 

We have everything we need. A world-respected seat of government in one of the world's greatest cities, a very strong economy, and a population who have already worked hard all their lives, or are currently doing so. Our streets are clean, and we have very few unemployed. We have no need for some silly, and unnecessarily expensive,  'No 10 North'; we'll leave all that nonsense to Union members, strikers, and the work-shy. 

Andy can try his best to get them to pay for all his Socialist dreams; some bloody hope! But leave us Southerners out of it.

Down in Londonshire we'll get-by with Twickenham, Wimbledon, and Hickstead. We'll go to Ascot, Henley, and the Chelsea Flower Show. We'll go shopping in Harrods, Fortnum's, and Liberty's. And we'll take our children or grandchildren to visit The Tower of London, Buckingham Palace, and Lords Cricket Ground. We have little desire to visit abandoned coal mines, disused metal bashing factories, or Whippet breeding farms. 

To be a citizen of Londonshire, people will need to speak The King's English; and be easily understood. Londonshire will have very strict behaviour and decency rules. Ethnicity will not be a problem, but proof of assimilation will be essential.

Passports and residency papers would be strictly controlled, and entry to our highly desirable new country would only be granted to those who have the necessary requirements.

Anyone attempting to reach the British Isles by rubber boat, will need to land at Liverpool, Scunthorpe, or Grimsby. 

In future, Dover and the whole South Coast will be CLOSED.

India.

I suppose one of my major regrets in life; is that I didn't visit India.

Everything about India fascinates me. The people, the architecture, the culture, and of course the food.

We don't have actual TV here in France, but I do have a plug-in device that is filled with a variety of favourite programmes; including all of Rick Stein's travel/food shows.

Possibly my favourite of all his shows is the series on India. On a rainy afternoon, I will watch an episode for the 100th time, and enjoy it as much as I did on the 1st. Above is just a taster!

The only country I've visited that had an entirely different culture to ours was Morocco. Just across the water from Southern Spain, one finds this country where everything is so completely different to life in Europe. However, I don't think that feeling of 'difference' could compare to that of India.

I should have gone when I was a student, but, who knows, I might never have come back.

My Uncle Reginald who was Tea Planting in Ceylon (Sri Lanka) only returned to the UK after he contracted Para-Typhoid, and had to be repatriated. Otherwise he too might have stayed.

Stein makes his India programmes whilst staying at a small lakeside 'bungalow'. I could have imagined myself living in such a home, with a cook and a housekeeper. A bit fanciful maybe, but very do-able with Indian costs being so much more reasonable than The West.

Sadly, too late now!

 

Alma Mater

I know I'll get a lot of 'stick' for posting this video, but it has just been sent to me by an old school chum, and it brought back so many wonderful memories.

I've never previously seen aerial film of my old school, and I must admit that I find it totally fascinating. I am posting it here so that I don't lose it. That long medieval building at 0.20 is where I spent four years of my life between 1960 and 64. The building itself is said to be the oldest continuously inhabited domestic building in Europe.

Situated not far from Cambridge, and predating the University by a couple of centuries, the school was officially founded in 970 AD, but is probably much older. At 1,056 years old, it is amongst the world's oldest, and led the way for all other similar schools to follow.

It isn't like a modern school with one main building and a 'playground'. There were separate buildings all over the place, and one had to walk a long way to get to certain classes or events. It was almost like being in a small medieval village.

As well as school life there was the ever-present Cathedral. It dominated everything, and we attended every morning, and twice on Sundays. I feel so privileged to have been able to wander around the interior whenever I liked. I explored hidden corners that very few people ever get to see.

I'm showing the video partly for those who have heard about such institutions, but not really known much about them. Mine was an academic school, and I was very fortunate to have passed my entrance exam. These schools have both good and bad reputations; I think I was extremely lucky with mine!!!

Birthday Boy.

 

Today is my birthday; I am 80.

I don't like being 80. I was perfectly happy being 79.

I'm trying to be positive, and to think of the benefits of being so ancient; but frankly it's all a bit gloomy.

So, Happy Birthday to me. I hope that people will NOT try to 'wind me up', let me enjoy my day without incident, and allow me to commiserate with my inner self, in peace. 

p.s. I have woken this morning with a very sore throat, a bunged-up nose, a burning sensation in my chest, a headache, and a general feeling of being unwell. Poor old soul !!! Still; I shan't let it spoil my day.

Football, The Falklands, and Fair Play.

 

Thank goodness it's all over.

I think Football should be a much shorter game; I would suggest that two 30 minute halves is more than enough.

Yet, now, the Americans have done the opposite. They stopped each half, half way though, so that the over-paid lovies could have a little glass of water, and they also created a very lengthy and very poor-taste show at half-time that went on for far too long.

Another aspect of the recent Football competition was 'POLITICS'. Those dear Argies were allowed to parade with silly banners claiming that The Falkland Islands somehow belong to THEM. No dears; they are British territory, and will remain so. Do you really need it to be explained to you a second time?

Let's get things straight. Britain first landed on the unoccupied islands in 1690. We later officially claimed them for The Crown in 1765. There has been a permanent British occupation since 1833; 47 years before Argentina even became an independent country in 1880.

The last referendum concerning the islands' sovereignty was held in 2013 when 99.8% of the residents voted to remain BRITISH. I'm not sure who the .2% was; probably some bloody rodent.

Frankly, who would YOU wish to rule over you? Those Charming Argies, or The United Kingdom? 

I heard that the three main banner wavers (above) all play for English Clubs. Well they wouldn't any more if I had my say. 

FIFA, of course, bans all political outbursts before, during, and after matches; they are very strict about such things. However, they seemed to have bypassed the rules just for the Argies. We shall see!

I almost forgot to mention. In the competition final, the Argies lost to Spain (1-0), so after the final whistle the Argies threw a few punches and kicks at the Spaniards, just to demonstrate what 'bad losers' they are!

Now go back to Argentina, get yourself another really silly haircut, and a few more tattoos, and sob over your cup of Yerba Mate. (Mate is pronounced MAH-tay) 

In Cricket the maxim is 'It matters not to win or lose, but how one plays the game'. Could someone please explain that to the Footballing Argies! 

I've missed so much.

 

I've been locked out of my page for almost a month, and so much has happened during that time that I would have loved to have written about! I have really missed my morning bit of nonsense; and your lovely daily comments. So, thank you to Kimbo who has now returned me to 'normal'.

However, as most would probably agree, there has been one major event that has eclipsed all others in recent times. The violent murder of ex-MP, and amateur dancer, Ann Widdecombe.

National Treasure, Ann Widdecombe became a real 'star' when she entered 'Strictly Come Dancing'. She became a TV sensation, admired by people from all quarters. Her violent murder has shocked even the unshockable. A few vile comments from the left simply added to the horror.

One of the aspects about her murder (allegedly by 28 year old Socialist fanatic, Joshua Kerry), was that it was treated very differently to other recently well publicised violent deaths. One that comes to mind was that of a foreign black career criminal, who died whilst being arrested. For some bizarre reason, his death prompted outrage the world over. Even our own PM, and the fragrant Angela Rayner, were photographed on one knee to his memory inside No 10, and many football players, and even a few British Cops, also fell to their knees at the whim of the paparazzi's cameras. It became an obsession. He was treated as a HERO, and even prompted the 'Black Lives Matter' movement.

The horrible death of Ms Widdecombe may not have prompted such photo-opportunities for Starmer & Co, but it shocked decent people throughout the whole country. However, there was no going down on one knee at No 10 in her memory. That was reserved for a foreign criminal. Personally I see her death as far more worthy of such respect from No 10, than the death of some foreign ne'er-do-well. But that is the crazy way of our 21st C world.

RIP Ann Widdecombe. You really didn't deserve such an awful end.

Oh, it's so good to be back online!!!

Hello again.... I'm back in Cyber-land!

 

As expected, Kimbo arrived here on Thursday afternoon, and by teatime, he had me back into my blog page. It's been about a month since I was last able to post anything.

HOWEVER; on that same evening we had one of the worst storms I've ever experienced here. Not only was it extremely destructive, but our power has been OFF for three days, and we have lost all the contents of the freezer. Meat, Fish, and some Vegs; all in the bin. I shall have to totally re-stock.

Above shows half a huge Oak Tree torn from it's more solid other half. It wasn't far from the house, but luckily fell the other way; others in the village weren't so lucky. 

Anyway, we now have a full house, with others still to arrive. We WILL cope, but I'm not sure how. This little house is designed for two people, plus an occasional visitor. At the last count I'm expecting us to be ELEVEN. I'm trying to stay calm. 

It's been a very stressful few days, and there is more to come. I'm taking deep breaths, and thinking calming thoughts.

There's some Football competition taking place in the US at the moment, and our Sitting room has been converted into one giant 'Home Cinema'. I'm staying in the Studio until it's all over.