Sunday, 18 April 2021

The Debate Continues.


I still occasionally (very rarely) come across someone who claims to use Vegemite for some purpose other than repairing broken water pipes.

Well let me explain something to you.

Take a look at a jar of Vege-ma-thingy, and compare it to the delightful one of MARMITE.

You will instantly notice one thing on the MARMITE jar; that Royal Coat of Arms on the yellow strip connecting the top with the jar. The Coat of Arms is that of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, and it symbolises her approval (and use daily of) an exceptional product.

One must remember here that Her Majesty is Queen of the United Kingdom & Northern Ireland, as well as fifteen other Sovereign states; known as the 'Commonwealth Kingdoms'. She is also head of all fifty three Commonwealth States; including Australia.

Marmite is sold throughout her Kingdom, and her Coat of Arms gives confidence and pleasure to all her subjects. The other imitation product might be available in a few foreign hardware stores, and, of course, has no such approval.

I believe that some Aussies rub the brown paste (Vegemite) on their arms in order to fend off attack by 'Drop Beasts'; creatures not unlike Leprechauns.

I do hope that settles the dispute once and for all. If it's good enough for The Queen, it's good enough for me (and millions of others).

p.s. I am not showing a photo of the Aussie product as it has no endorsements, it's an ugly jar, and it is of no interest whatsoever.

Saturday, 17 April 2021

So, how did last week's Pub openings go?

I didn't want to illustrate this with the usual pictures of drunken fools, showing us their knickers or exchanging punches, so here's a slightly more sedate picture.

This photo was taken last Monday night in Soho; the traditional partying area of central London. Plenty of drunkenness, plenty of social non-distancing, and of course no masks, or self-isolating beach huts.

In the UK, Friday night is party night, and reports of serious street fighting in central London, and elsewhere, are already circulating. 

The problem with opening-up Pubs, and Restaurants, etc, is that people think they can now behave as if there are no more risks. For them, Boris has declared the pandemic 'officially over'.

There WILL be a spike in cases of infection; of that there is no doubt. The only question must be 'is the new-found freedom worth a few extra deaths?'.

People have had enough of 'lockdowns'; they want their freedom back. Risk-taking has always been the reserve of the young, so enjoy yourselves; but please do continue to be aware of how virulent this virus is, you are NOT invincible. Covid-19 likes nothing more than grabbing onto humans, and it does so with great ease in crowded situations.

As Boris advises "try to show restraint". Not much 'restraint' was shown last night, I'm afraid!

Friday, 16 April 2021

'How Prince Harry can show his face in the UK, I've got no idea'.

Tomorrow is the day of Prince Philip's funeral; this is how one Aussie TV commentator (Alan Jones) sees it. I don't think he's alone. It's worth watching; all 2 mins of it.

Thursday, 15 April 2021

More Wisteria, less Vine.

Previously the façade of the house, and our covered terrace, have been covered in grape vines; and much still is.

However, Lady Magnon has been complaining about the amount of Hornets they attract in early Autumn, and she wanted them replaced by Wisteria.

So, I took out one ancient vine, and trained a branch from the 'tower' Wisteria around the corner and along the front wall. Its blooms are over now (as I'm sure you can see), but it flowered really well considering that it's only one year old. 

At the same time I planted a Wisteria sucker by the entrance to our covered terrace, which has also actually flowered well this year. It is less exposed to the sun, so is still looking good.

I'm sure Lady M was right. All the grapes always went onto the compost anyway (or went for juice), and we still had plenty if we required any. 

The main advantage will be far fewer Hornets this year; and Lady M will be happy, I hope.

Wednesday, 14 April 2021

Free Money.

I want you to keep this to yourselves; if too many people hear about it, not only could there be stampedes, but the value of the Pound, Dollar, and Euro, could suffer irreversibly.

Yes, I've found a way to get a regular supply of free money.

Some years ago I was given some secret numbers, and a piece of plastic, that allows me to get money from machines that one finds outside banks, inside supermarkets, and on the high street.

There's a small, well-hidden, slot on the front of these machines (you may have to ask someone to show you where it is). Into this you put the small flat piece of plastic (roughly 5 by 8 cms), which gets sucked into the machine itself. Don't panic; you'll get it back later.

Now you need a secret number. You type this in, and tell the machine how much money you need (don't be too greedy, or it may suspect something). Then you wait a while, whilst it makes strange whirring noises, and flashes lights; then out come the bank notes from a type of letter box at the front, along with the small piece of plastic you used to trick the machine (try not to dance, laugh, or scream at this point).

This is when you need to be careful. I always walk away from the machine, trying to look as innocent as possible; not to bring any attention to myself. Preferably try to look as if you haven't actually touched the machine at all.

It really is incredible. I've been using this method for years, and no-one has yet discovered my scam. These machines have paid for all my living expenses for yonks, and I've encountered no problems at all.

I'm not promising that this method will work everywhere, but if you can find the right sized piece of plastic, and find someone willing to give you a secret number (no, you can't have mine), you could find yourself with a never-ending supply of free money.... just like me!

As I said above; please keep this to yourself.

N.B. The above photo shows a machine giving me more money yesterday; PROOF if needed. I apologise for the quality of the picture, but I was trying to be as discreet as possible.

Tuesday, 13 April 2021

Shopping Day.


Tuesday is my shopping day. For the past year I've only gone out once a week, occasionally every two weeks, and that is to my favourite supermarket about 20 Kms away. Leclerc is a quality store, not unlike Waitrose back in the UK.

I'm usually pretty good at getting all we need for the week, but this last week we almost came to a standstill.

By yesterday we were completely out of fruit, out of salads, our bread supply was down to a bare minimum, and (shame on me) I had no onions or garlic. So, my yesterday's breakfast consisted of left over roast Lamb from Sunday night, for lunch I had to revert to soup, and luckily I had what I needed for a Cottage Pie in the evening. 

I mention all this because it's the first time I've miscalculated supplies. Even my stock of canned food is becoming low, my fresh green vegetables from Haddock's are finished, and have finally been grubbed up. I shall leave for my shopping trip, in about 3 hrs, with a very long list!

I may be some while.

Monday, 12 April 2021

The British boozer; the future?


The future of the Great English boozer, may well resemble the above.

With Covid-19 restrictions still in place, Pubs are now able to open again with certain provisos.

Today (April 12th) Pubs may once again open to the public, but must follow certain guidelines.

1. Drinkers must remain outside the Pub', and only table service will be allowed.

2. The 'rule of 6' will still apply, meaning only six people may sit together.

3. You will need to book your table, glass house, rug, pod, or whatever, by using the NHS Covid App.

4. When needing the bog, you will have to wear a mask (often essential in Pub' loos anyway).

The photo above shows one example of 'The 21st C Pub'; this particular one is in Gloucestershire.

Personally when I visit my 'local' I want to see a cheery barmaid over the counter, I want the warm ambiance of a 15th or 16th C interior (preferably in Sussex), and in winter I would certainly want an open log fire in a big old inglenook.

When I go for a pint of wallop, I want to lean on the counter, chat with the landlord/lady, ask advice from Jim the village garage man, exchange gardening tips with old man Fuller, and chuck a few darts with Charlie.

What I DON'T want is to be made to sit in some stark bloody greenhouse out in a field, pay a bloody fortune for a simple glass of waitress-served beer, and be made to feel like some bloody great roaming virus.

I'm not in England, but if I was, I'd buy a few cans from Waitrose, sit on my comfortable sofa at home, and sup whilst listening to Vera Lynn singing 'We'll meet again'. 

I ain't going in no glass box; so there!

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