Keys

 

How many keys do you carry around with you?

Personally I dare not leave the house without my bunch of SIX keys. 

The front door has two locks, so two keys. At the back there is a locked 'garden gate' and a lock on the back door, so two more. Then there's the garage door, and a private gate that allows me to get from the front to the back of the house without going through the middle.

On a separate fob is the final key, for Debbi; The Compact Royce. But that I only take with me when I'm driving; obviously!

Keys are an essential annoyance. There is nothing worse than losing them, or realising that you've left them at home. 

I have on ONE occasion only, left the car's key inside the car, and locked myself out. So annoying!

I would prefer to have a 'word-of-mouth' system, where I just say "Open Sesame" and the magic would happen. But I may have to wait a while.

Meanwhile I have a set of bulky keys in my pocket every time I go out.

At The Dentist's.

 

A Yorkshireman goes to see his Dentist to ask about the price of a tooth extraction.

"With full anesthetic, and excellent after-care, it would cost about £400" said the Dentist.

"Haven't you something cheaper?" asks the man "I'm an OAP and I don't have a lot of money".

"Well, we could do it for about £150 without the anesthetic, just with a few Aspirins and an ice pack", he replied.  

"That's still a bit too much" said the old man "Don't you have a special OAP rate?"

"OK" said the Dentist "For £13 I could do it with a hammer and chisel, no pain relief, and just a piece of cotton wool to soak-up the flow of blood"

"That sounds fine" said the Yorkshireman "I'd like to book my wife in for next week!". 

For Sale.

I've mentioned before that I've had more work stolen than I have actually sold. So, I was pleased to be sent the below. 

As a lowly painter, one can but dream of riches and reputation. But this is limited to a select few.

Even if one sells something just 'every so often', one can feel rewarded, but when one sells a major work, it's pure elation. 

OK, I may be one of the world's most famous, and highly-collected British artists, but I still have to pay for my private jet, my tailor's bill in Jermyn Street, my grocery account at Harrods, and my permanently booked suite at The Savoy. And all that requires MONEY!

£150,000 divided by 60 years as a professional painter equals an income of £250 per annum.

Sotheby's have promised to send the cheque a.s.a.p. 

I'm still waiting.......

 

One law for us; another for them.

I have personal experience of 'travelers' illegally occupying land.

When I was briefly living in Shropshire during the early 80's, we had a large orchard which had a gate at the very far end, leading to a little used lane that served a tiny village. 

One day, I noticed that the small field opposite the gate had been occupied by a 'traveler', with all that that entailed (rubbish, old cars, scrap metal, etc). I asked the 'huge' man if he had planning permission to install his caravan on the site, and was treated to a tirade of extremely nasty language and very serious threats. I retreated pronto!!!

That same evening in the Pub, I was told that I was lucky to have got out alive. Everyone said that I was CRAZY even talking to him.

It's a strange side of UK life that certain groups of people acting illegally are left in peace, whereas a single (non-traveler) person doing the same thing would be arrested at once. I suppose it's easier for the police to avoid the type of confrontation that I experienced back in Shropshire.

There are plenty of Council designated sites where they can stop for a while, but taking over, or buying, fields, laying down an acre of tarmac, and inviting dozens of others to live there, is not acceptable. But, this type of behaviour has become very common recently throughout England.

Very occasionally the Police will turn-up, but they (like me) will be threatened, and they soon retreat. Action is rarely taken.

I see that over Easter they've been at it again. Just when everyone's relaxing, they've Tarmacked over a few more acres in Tundridge in Kent, and in Flamstead in Herts (above), and moved in! Amazingly a few 'locals' in Kent were actually arrested for trying to block their access. 

Some others have even moved onto a Green Open Space, here in Brighton.

Try parking your caravan on the seafront in Brighton, and start-up a scrap metal business, and see what happens!!! Need I tell you?

Hinge and Bracket

The UK is known for its eccentricities, and amongst our 'musical' offerings were the duo 'Hinge & Bracket'.

Born from the same mould as Flanders & Swann (two men, one piano), the singing duo of Hinge & Bracket were 'National Treasures'.

Dr Evadne Hinge (George Logan), and Dame Hilda Bracket (Patrick Fyffe), performed songs from a previous, more sedate era, wearing their Victorian/Edwardian dresses, and singing in quasi-Soprano voices. They were essentially a Music Hall act, who also found fame on TV.

The song 'This is my Lovely Day', originally by Lizbeth Webb, is from the 1947 West End musical 'Bless the Bride'. A classic for H & B, that demonstrates their style and appeal perfectly.

Fyffe died in 2002, and Logan in 2023. RIP both.

 

University Challenge ?

Most devotees of University Challenge would have enjoyed this edition, and I'm sure they will enjoy it again.

'University Challenge' is a BBC TV inter-University Quiz Competition. Highly contested by all our major Universities.

Just in case you didn't know, the Scumbag College contestants are all from 'The Young Ones' TV programme, and The Footlights team are a group of other well-known UK comedians.

Griff Rhys-Jones plays the part of question-master 'Bambi' (Bamber Gascoigne).

A classic sketch of its era!

 

Victorian Tiled Steps

These lovely old tiled front doorsteps are from a terrace opposite the church; just down the road from where I live. Several of the houses have exactly the same pattern

As you can probably see from the photo below, some are in a pretty poor state of repair (this isn't the worst). 

One of them was really falling to bits, and I was very pleased to see recently, that a man was totally re-tiling it. I stopped for a chat, and told him how impressed I was with his workmanship. He had re-tiled the entire flight of steps; top to bottom.

Each small black and white square is individual; these are not interlocking bigger tiles all put together. The time and effort in creating the finished effect is extraordinary.

And here, below, is the finished job. Real craftsmanship. 

I was about to photograph it, and he told me to come back in an hour, as he was about to grout it. He wanted me to see it in it's full finished splendour! And here it is....

You really would think they were the original Victorian steps; nice job!