There are so many reasons why someone should wish to 'get away from it all', but I suppose it was seeing all that hooliganism surrounding Sunday's Football match at Wembley that finally prompted our conversation about where we should escape to. A lot of humanity seems to be out of control, and we need tranquillity.
'Where' was our first concern. We considered most of the world, then eventually plumped for a small Caribbean island. It would need to have about 50 acres, one or two beautiful beaches, a natural safe harbour, and no nasty wildlife.
We would not be going alone; this would be a collective move. With us would come a carpenter, a farmer, a fisherman, a nurse (with comprehensive first-aid kit), and maybe some sort of 'technician'. All would be experts in their fields, but more importantly they would need to be 'stable'; no hang-ups, phobias, or hidden angry spouses. It's those people that we'd be getting away from.
Ideally our island (called Arcadia Island) would have 'seasons'; nothing below about 10 C in Winter, and not too much above 30 C in Summer. It would be fertile, its surrounding waters filled with easily caught self-sacrificing fish and shellfish, and its interior rich in Wild Boar, Chickens, Goats, and Rabbits. It would also need a fresh water spring.
No electricity would be allowed on Arcadia Island, no radios or TVs, no newspapers or mobile phones, no religions or party politics. There will be no hand sanitiser, face masks, or social distancing; everyone would have been triple-checked for viruses.
No motorised transport of any sort would be allowed, just bicycles on shore, or rowing boats at sea. There will be no money, tokens, IOU's, debentures, or banks.
Even though our mantra would be 'Peace, Love, and Understanding', we would still need to be armed. Any takeover attempt of our island, by nasty, virus-bearing, anti-vaxxer, woke liberals, would be met by very long wooden poles to repel landing. The one thing we would not tolerate would be that which instigated our move.
Applications are now being invited. Name, address, and initial fee of £100k (towards expenses) must be lodged on this page before December 25th.