Monday 2 November 2020

Newspeak.



I'm fascinated by the word 'Influencer'. From what I understand, this is a person (usually female, and permanently half-dressed) who 'influences' people via social media.

These people all seem to be multi-millionaires, so I'm thinking of becoming (a male version) myself.

My problem is that I don't really know what qualifications are required, or even how one starts to influence.

I'm not over keen on getting my kit off either, but if it is genuinely required (and tasteful), then of course I will.

I've made a few discreet enquiries, and I'm told that a good example of this new 'profession' is the Kardashian family, who are always half-clothed (less than half usually), and have all made lots of dosh. So I will probably need to fashion myself on one of them (the one with the smallest butt hopefully).

Now all I need is to discover what they actually do, and why people are influenced by them. By the look of them, it can't be that complicated.

Look out world.... here I come. Be prepared to be influenced.

45 comments:

  1. I hope you aren't knocking someone for making "lots of dosh" as you put it after your responses to comments about Bill Gates.

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    1. I'm a great believer in people making lots of dosh, what I don't like are people knocking them for having done so. It stinks of envy.

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    2. Taking the piss and knocking is a fine line. Good luck with becoming an influencer. You will need some new gadgets first.

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    3. I've just been speaking on Skype to Kimbo (my son) about becoming an influencer, and he said that one of my grandsons is already making money from such activity. Maybe there's something in my idea after all.

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    4. Your grandson is the man to ask for tips then.

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    5. I think he occasionally mentions the name of some T Shirt maker on his Instagram page.

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    6. Have a listen to Joe Wicks on Desert Island Discs a few weeks ago. He should inspire you.

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    7. Is he the Physical Jerks man?

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    8. Yes, he's lovely and the DID is great.

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  2. Cro,you and John Grey do make me laugh...I love the bit where you said that you will take your kit off if its tasteful!.Brilliant!Thank you,xx

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    1. John would take his kit off, even it wasn't tasteful. He's a Diva.

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  3. Well, I am very often enthusiastic when people have new plans.
    So, by all means: do it!
    Maybe there is a market niche (I think of that old Japanese couple with a cleaner's, where people forgot to take back their clothes - and their grandson convinced them to make photos in those clothes - and now they are a celebrity (and hopefully make money of it).
    I saw that in TV - I never looked at Instagram for influencers, because I am a) stubborn and influence myself and b) I have not so much time as to look at the Kardashians and thus being the one to help them earn money, oh no!

    No, but really : try it!

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    1. All I need now is someone to pay me lots of money for endorsing their products. If you know of anyone, please let me know. 25% off for all OAP advertisers.

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  4. Influencers come in all shapes and sizes. Anyone can do it.

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  5. They do nothing loudly and take loads of video's and photo's, don't forget to practice your pout!!

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    1. My pout's not working, I think I need fillers.

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  6. You could try having 'grades' of membership on your blog - seriously, people pay for extra levels of insight into your life, for being 'special' readers - all done on subscription via a site like patreon.com. We could pay to see videos of you actually cooking, meet Mrs M, that sort of a thing. Of course, you could charge a very high fee for this!!

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    1. Now you're frightening me. My Chicken Tagine... £2.

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  7. Influencers do not have chest hair. You are going to have to wax the hair off your chest. Lady M can do it for you with glee as you cry out in pathetic man pain.

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    1. Only men know real pain. That sounds like some of the worst.

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  8. Male cosmetics are becoming a big thing nowadays. As an influencer you could try testing out different brands on your YouTube channel - "Crowing with Cro". But that beard will need to go.

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    1. No hope... I've had this beard since I was in my pram. It's staying.

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    2. Okay. Go for beard grooming products then - waxes, gels, dyes and insect repellents.

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  9. Unique. You have that. Beard yes. Toss on a pony tail, hair extention if need be. Style. Doesn't matter as much because your words are entertaining. Attitude...leave out commentary on highly controversial religeous issues, and/or don't bash any large market. Podcast a must, edited to attract, inspire, stimulate, not upset.
    Develop a hook, something you like about yourself, or makes a statement or is weird in an ironic way...like a nose ring piercing your wallet, literally.
    I have seen blogs with donate links to keep it going, not highlighted, just sitting there in case. On a free blog website, not a good look.

    Good Luck!

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    1. Personally I never read blogs that accept paying ad's, so maybe no-one would read mine in return. Thanks for the handy tips.

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  10. My 17 year old granddaughter is an influencer and makes a decent amount of money and gets free product. She does makeup. She has friends that make a great deal of money. I dislike this whole thing for so many reasons.

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    1. All I can say is 'good for her'. I don't really like the idea of it, but good for those who do well from it.

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  11. The thing is it's amazing that people can be so easily influenced. One might use the word gullible. I think you should go for it. Just put yourself in front of a video camera and speak, and it must be done on a regular basis, so a certain amount of commitment to keep the masses happy.

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    1. It's the very word 'influencer' that I find rather bizarre. Like you, it sounds to me like conning the gullible.

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  12. Hahaha Cro, what a hoot, I can't wait! You'll need to take a few selfies with yourself pouting in front of the bathroom mirror as well. Good luck with the loads of dosh bit too, as you say, people seem to be able to earn loads by apparently doing nothing so whatever you do will be more than that!

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    1. It's a strange new world. I wonder when 'influencing' will be on a school's curriculum?

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  13. Pay no attention to YP. Beards are 'in'. Metro males are all sporting them here. Flannel shirts as well, and blue jeans with holes in the knees. What I will never quite understand is the rural area where I live, that 'look' is every day. But they are not considered 'metro males'. If I hauled my husband off to the big city, he'd be labeled a 'redneck' in a minute. I really think an influencer just stands up and basically shouts, "HEY! I'm the new 'cool'!" and easily influenced minds say, "HEY! S/he's the new 'cool'! So. To be an influencer involves finding people who can be influenced. Good luck.

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    1. The holes in my jeans have been 'earned'; not made in some Taiwan sweatshop. And the fading is due to years of use and washing. I'm old fashioned that way.

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  14. Not a fan of sales men or women. I know what I want and do not want. Some just like to follow and be told what they want. Like chasing the latest shiny new object! Can't be bothered. That said, evidence shows...there is money to be made. If that is what drives you.

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    1. We have a rule that we never buy anything by phone or from visiting salesmen. I do rarely buy through Amazon, but that's only for things that are otherwise unavailable.

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  15. You'll have to have lip fillers and a butt lift.

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    1. As long as I don't have to have huge threepenny bits added, I'm OK with the rest.

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    2. You can become an influencer on how to become an influencer by being yourself. That should be a fairly empty subject area in today's world.

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    3. This sounds like 'How to win friends and influence people'.

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  16. Thank you very much for the laugh. Will reread this tomorrow instead of watching polling returns.

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    1. Laugh, cry, or read Cro. The choice is yours!

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  17. Replies
    1. Having read all the advice above, I'm now wondering if it's a good idea.

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