Saturday 26 February 2022

An Open Letter to Her Majesty.

Your Majesty. I may be old, and have various permanent aches and pains, but I think I can still do my bit; if required.

If Your Majesty requires my services in order to stem any further advances from that b*stard Putin (please excuse my language), I will put my name forward willingly.

I can no longer cope with long route marches, but I'm a good shot, and would probably make a good 'static sniper'. A decent rifle, a silencer, and a good supply of ammo, and I'll be there amongst the best of them.

As I'm sure you're aware, I did do some basic Officer Training, so a commission would be appreciated; 'Captain' would be fine (of a Sussex Regiment please).

Somehow I don't see Putin's men actually attempting to conquer England (like the tyrant Hitler before him), I think he'd find such a thing tricky (as did the tyrant Hitler) . However, I'm prepared to travel into Europe to help the cause. I speak French, so that might be of use.

Your Majesty, may I humbly suggest that you have a word with your Chief of Staff (Sir Tony Radakin), and remind him that Boris's trifling economic sanctions will not stop this maniac. It will require serious fire-power, determination, and sadly loss of life. Taking money away from Russian Football Club Billionaires will not achieve this.

I am ready to go. You have my address and phone number, so whenever, or if ever, I am required, I will take my shilling and fight for the freedom of my country, and for that of others.

Your servant; Cro xx 


  1. That's quite the offer, Cro. I'm sure Her Majesty appreciates it!

  2. You are a one.
    The EU have already surrendered. We have scum rolling up on our shores daily. Lisbet couldn't care less. She will sign anything popped in front of her even if it means signing away her sovereignty. I suspect she can't read very well.
    Get yourself a rifle and use the dinghies for practise. Then use it on the Guardian reading fifth columnists. They are the real enemy though Putin is a right twat he's in Russia the snowflakes are here amongst us.
    Go for it.

  3. World democracy must be protected and upheld. The Ukrainian military are doing their best. Zelensky is standing strong. That said, the entire world needs to align and stand with Ukraine.

  4. I'm sure Her Majesty will gladly accept your offer, and all this while she's trying to overcome the Covid and hoping she does not suffer from long Covid.

  5. I think Sergeant Wilson was modelled on you, Cro.

  6. Take the Queen's shilling? So you will be a mercenary? For hire to the highest bidder?

    I just checked and Boris does not speak Russian, but he was very convincing to my ears.

  7. Dear Mr Cro,
    Thank you for your kind offer. I notice that you signed off with "Your servant". As it happens I am looking for an extra servant who will be responsible for potato peeling and loo roll replacement at Windsor Castle. You may be just the man for the job. Please contact Mrs Ruddyface, our Head of Domestic Services, for a formal interview.
    Yours regally,
    Elizabeth R

  8. I sincerely hope it doesn't come to this. It's bad enough that young men have to fight and die. I do applaud your willingness to defend though.

  9. Thank you all for your kind words, especially Adrian.


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