We needed a new phone. All we wanted was to replace our present one so that it could cope with those anonymous machines in Mumbai that ask you to press (select) buttons one, two, or three. Our present phone refuses to do that.
So, rather than listen to logic, Lady M selected something that she thought looked OK, was not too expensive, and came in a nice small neat orange box.
I can't even describe how depressed I was when I opened the bloody box. Bits everywhere, loads of wires that our previous phone didn't seem to need, and an instruction leaflet written in some ancient version of Sanskrit.
The handsets themselves have so many bloody buttons, widgets, and screen instructions, that it'll be months before I'll learn how to actually use it. On top of which there are different buttons for slow wash, defrost, PrtSc SysRq, and 'I'm deaf can you effing speak up'.
Why can't we have phones that are just bloody phones?
Pick up handset, dial, check you have the right person, have meaningless conversation, put down handset; that's all I friggin want.
I shall now go and see if I can put all those wretched bits together, find 2 spare electrical sockets, and one more phone socket. Some bloody hope!
If you hear screams....