Saturday 5 May 2012

10 Things your mother never told you about DOGS.




1. They fart, a lot (mostly indoors).
2. They vomit, a lot (often indoors).
3. They poo, a lot (occasionally indoors).
4. They moult their own weight in hair each year.
5. They refuse to obey even the simplest of commands.
6. They sleep on your best sofa, when given strict instructions NOT TO!
7. They have a bizarre sexual attraction for female guests' legs.
8. They know exactly how to imitate Bambi-style dewy eyes.
9. They show more unconditional love than any other (and I mean 'any other') living breathing creature.
9a.... and demand nothing in return other than the occasional stroke, walk, bowl of dry multi-coloured biscuits, and water.
10. Then after about 15 years, just when you've begun to tolerate them, they sprout wings and leave you with a broken heart.



23 comments:

  1. Apart from 8 and 9 I expect that is why we never had one as children!!!

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    1. Cats, cats, budgies, and fatter cats. Lady M arrives home this evening, and Freddie has been behaving strangely. I think he knows that it's a return to being spoilt rotten!

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  2. When I was a very young sprogling the family hound knew some ten minutes before my Father was about to roll into the driveway - long, long before it would have been possible to hear the car's engine and not in a routine. Amazing creatures.

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  3. Don't ya just love 'em despite everything. The world would be a poorer place without them.

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  4. Most of those statements could describe my husband.

    Very sweet Cro, and so true.

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    1. Now that I think about it... it's probably how Lady M talks about me too!

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  5. They also wee on your brand new carpet. Twice.

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  6. Yep, that just about sums it up. ;)

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  7. .... and you give your heart to a dog to tear

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  8. One of the best things about dog farts is you can blame them for your own....

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  9. I remember finding nothing strange about having dog hair on everything and even casually picked it out of my food. I knew my mother hadn't put it in there on purpose, and so did everyone else. We had a Springer Spaniel when i was growing up, and they shed fine, individual hairs as opposed to clumps, so even assidious sessions with the Hoover meant only that you got most of the hair. One or two would invariably stay in the air until after the vacuum cleaner was put away before landing somewhere on the ground. Or in your food.

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    1. May I refer you to Lady Magnon, who returns from her Antipodean trip this evening. She never believes anything I say!

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  10. We had a cat who frequented one spot on the carpet just outside the kitchen door. When he got up you could roll the hair up like a cigar (and yes, I brushed him every day).

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    1. I'm beginning to wish I knew someone who knitted dog and cat hair... we could have had several sweaters by now!

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  11. My neighbour up the street learned to spin dog hair. It took her about two years to collect enough dog hair from their collie, and she mixed it with wool as wool is much more elastic than dog hair. She knit her husband a sweater from the stuff (his request) and he hardly ever wears it because he's too warm with it.

    She offered to spin the cat's hair for me, if i wish. I'm starting to save up JoJo's thick, grey clumps as she's losing her winter coat. Phoebe stays inside nearly all the time now, so not much hair from her. I'm thinking a pair of mittens would be fantastic.

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  12. I am just worried about the "15" - my old boy is reaching that age next week. But all the other dogs that I have already lost in my life were younger!
    We have blankets on the couch because they get up there anyways...

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    1. A figure plucked from the air. I really have no idea about dogs life expectancy; I suppose each breed is different.

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  13. Oh all of theses are so true...and I have a tear in my eye...

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  14. yes...ask John the dogs...but sadly it's not 15 years...

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  15. I love this post because it is just as you say.

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