Dear Santa.
Frankly you've been rubbish at granting my wishes over the past few years, so why don't I just ask you for things I know you CAN supply; or already have!
How about some Type 2 diabetes, a bad back, a painful knee, dodgy teeth, a painful hip, a stiff neck, insomnia, high blood pressure, plenty of cholesterol, and thinning hair. And, if you've got any room left on the sleigh, how about a case of Merlot.
No, I haven't been good this year; nor do I intend to be next year. But even if you can't deliver any of the above, I'll still leave you a glass of Port and some Mince Pies by the fire (because I'm nice).
Your faithful believer, Cro xx
I hope Father Christmas only has room on the sleigh for the Merlot and forgets all the other nasty stuff. Happy Christmas to you and yours, Cro.
ReplyDeleteI think you've left your letter a little late but your using some reverse psychology might just make him feel sorry for you and realise how mean he has been over recent years.
ReplyDeleteThat's what I'm hoping for too.
DeleteThere's a cartoon going around the internet which reads 'Dear Santa, I've been bad this year and I've enjoyed it, you fat, judgemental b*****d.'. Made me smile.
ReplyDeleteCould almost have been me writing!
DeleteEven with all those nasty things you have been given, you still seem to accomplish quite a lot. You definitely should be rewarded with some fine Merlot.
ReplyDeleteI know you don't spend all your time bottling fruit.
ReplyDeleteWe would love to know all the wicked things you get up to.I mean you have been living in France for years. Fess up. Some editor might offer you a regular column:)
My lips are sealed!
DeleteSanta hasn't gifted me (yet) with type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, or thinning hair (thank you, Santa). But apart from that, he has shared his other 'gifts' fairly between the two of us. I'm looking forward to the Merlot.
ReplyDeleteI'll leave him a shot of brandy and a gluten-free biscuit by the air conditioner (because I'm ingratiating).
i wonder if I also can ask Santa to bring me presents. ( being me, I dont know).
ReplyDeleteOf course, I'll tell him to call.
DeleteThanks, I knew you would,
DeleteThe Grinch who stole my Merlot, a favorite Christmas fable. May all your wishes come true this Christmas Cro
ReplyDeleteThanks Donna, but I'm not counting on Santa.
DeleteI wish I lived nearer then I could play Santa - at least with a bottle of the Merlot.
ReplyDeleteI saw the cartoon Andi's English Attic mentioned, it did make me laugh. Hope you receive your Merlot and it blots out the other stuff. Have a lovely Christmas
ReplyDeleteTwiggy
I don't believe in Santa.
ReplyDeleteI don't either, but I believe in Father Christmas.
Deletelol love this, :) Merry Christmas.
ReplyDeleteHa Cro, I will subtly suggest to my children this year that along with the traditional cookies we leave for Santa that we should supplement the milk with a respectable glass of port it might make it a bit easier to get back to sleep after a long night of delivering presents.
ReplyDelete-Tohner