Dear Santa.
Frankly you've been rubbish at granting my wishes over the past few years, so why don't I just ask you for things I know you CAN supply; or already have!
How about some Type 2 diabetes, a bad back, a painful knee, dodgy teeth, a painful hip, a stiff neck, insomnia, high blood pressure, plenty of cholesterol, and thinning hair. And, if you've got any room left on the sleigh, how about a case of Merlot.
No, I haven't been good this year; nor do I intend to be next year. But even if you can't deliver any of the above, I'll still leave you a glass of Port and some Mince Pies by the fire (because I'm nice).
Your faithful believer, Cro xx
20 comments:
I hope Father Christmas only has room on the sleigh for the Merlot and forgets all the other nasty stuff. Happy Christmas to you and yours, Cro.
I think you've left your letter a little late but your using some reverse psychology might just make him feel sorry for you and realise how mean he has been over recent years.
There's a cartoon going around the internet which reads 'Dear Santa, I've been bad this year and I've enjoyed it, you fat, judgemental b*****d.'. Made me smile.
That's what I'm hoping for too.
Could almost have been me writing!
Even with all those nasty things you have been given, you still seem to accomplish quite a lot. You definitely should be rewarded with some fine Merlot.
I know you don't spend all your time bottling fruit.
We would love to know all the wicked things you get up to.I mean you have been living in France for years. Fess up. Some editor might offer you a regular column:)
Santa hasn't gifted me (yet) with type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, or thinning hair (thank you, Santa). But apart from that, he has shared his other 'gifts' fairly between the two of us. I'm looking forward to the Merlot.
I'll leave him a shot of brandy and a gluten-free biscuit by the air conditioner (because I'm ingratiating).
My lips are sealed!
i wonder if I also can ask Santa to bring me presents. ( being me, I dont know).
Of course, I'll tell him to call.
The Grinch who stole my Merlot, a favorite Christmas fable. May all your wishes come true this Christmas Cro
Thanks Donna, but I'm not counting on Santa.
Thanks, I knew you would,
I wish I lived nearer then I could play Santa - at least with a bottle of the Merlot.
I saw the cartoon Andi's English Attic mentioned, it did make me laugh. Hope you receive your Merlot and it blots out the other stuff. Have a lovely Christmas
Twiggy
I don't believe in Santa.
I don't either, but I believe in Father Christmas.
lol love this, :) Merry Christmas.
Ha Cro, I will subtly suggest to my children this year that along with the traditional cookies we leave for Santa that we should supplement the milk with a respectable glass of port it might make it a bit easier to get back to sleep after a long night of delivering presents.
-Tohner
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