I must admit to having used a lot of 'bad words' this year; but I think they were mostly warranted. What with my car breaking down and dying in Rouen, my legs becoming uncooperative, all these wretched irresponsible strikes we're having, Boris quitting his post far too early, Putin behaving like Hitler on a bad day, H M The Queen leaving us, my friend Sue dying, those two spoilt brats in California being a total pain, and various other disasters or annoyances, it really hasn't been the best of years.
However, I have tried to be good. I've picked-up other people's rubbish, I've found lost property and managed to find the owners, and I've befriended some who otherwise had no friends. I know I could have done a lot more, but I'm getting old.
So what would I like you to do for me for Christmas (if anything)?
Could you please do something about Putin? This would not only be the best present imaginable for me personally, but for people the world over. Could you also do something about the Woke lovies re-writing of history, and the horrible accusations of 'racism and misogyny' that are being bandied about by those two white spoilt brats (you-know-who) in California.
Could you also please re-program those who've been brainwashed into gluing themselves to roads, paintings, and floors. And finally could you bring a halt to all the extreme Religions and Political Regimes that bring so much pain and misery to the world. No-one would miss Putin, The Taliban, Xi Jinping, or Kim Jong-un, or even a few other 'firebrands' closer to home. Thank you.
For me personally, I would love some more responsive legs. Having my walking distances limited is becoming tiresome. A wave of your leg-wand would be much appreciated.
I shall leave you the usual Mince Pie and glass of Single Malt (by the tree) on Christmas Eve, and I hope that you and Mrs Claus will have a wonderful BIG DAY.
Your friend, Cro xx