Thursday 18 August 2022

Where do you wish to be buried?


This is our village cemetery; photographed on our way back from a restaurant recently. It simply looked so beautiful.

In France cemeteries are not usually connected to the church, either physically or in terms of ownership. In fact they are usually owned by the 'commune', or Mayor's office; and a fee is paid to them to be buried there.


Our village cemetery is about 200 metres down the hill from the church, and is quite a pleasant area. It is less than 2 kms from our house.

If I should die in France this is where I shall be buried. If I die in England I shall be cremated and half my ashes will (I hope) be taken to France, and maybe the other half sprinkled into the sea.

Knowing where one would wish to be buried is not always evident. If one is lucky enough to have lived one's whole life in the same place, there is no problem. But if one has moved about a lot, a choice has to be made. 

We do have a family burial 'mausoleum' in Crawley Sussex, which is ours 'in perpetuity' (I still have the paperwork), but I can't see myself taking advantage of it. 

My preference would certainly be the cemetery above. At the last time of asking they said the cost would be about €250.

 

35 comments:

  1. The first I have heard of the Mausoleum. I presume the paperwork is in Brighton. Would you send me a copy please and a photo of the Mausoleum would be great. Could help with genealogy.

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    1. I'll certainly send a copy of the receipt/paperwork (if I can find it), but I don't have any photos of the actual grave site. Knowing the UK, 'in perpetuity' probably meant as long as they saw fit. I can't imagine when the last family member was buried there.

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    2. I had a lot to do with cemetery law (your 'in perpetuity' comment) back in my Liverpool days. It's a nightmare. Almost as bad as the law relating to 'allotments'.

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  2. Would there be a cost to be buried in the family Mausoleum? If not then why not use it? I think "in perpetuity" means until there are no family members left.

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    1. I think they paid a once-only fee, so it should be free to use the site. One would need to pay the people who pop you in, etc.

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  3. I expect it is just our Grandparents. There can't be many Mausoleums in Crawley.

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    1. I've just looked through my documents strong box here, and couldn't find it. It'll be in the loft in Brighton.
      I expect it's a large slab of stone over an open hole with coffins inside. I believe they even clear out the holes when a new one goes in. Such things are quite common, but not as much as the single burial holes.

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  4. It looks like an idyllic spot to rest for eternity, especially in your photo with the sun rising/setting
    The Greek family pay the municipality for a family hole in the ground. There are generations resting there, their bones in a bag. You're dug up after a few years and your bones are added too. Though you can buy a hole in the wall for them now and put up a plaque.
    Think I'll tell the kids to do that for me. It's a bit crowded underground

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    1. I don't really mind what they do with my remains (why would I?), but I do like our village 'boot hill'.

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  5. When we lived on Tenerife thirty years ago, the custom was to place the coffin into a wall niche, which was rented for up to ten years. At the end of your rental period the bones were taken up to be placed in a cave in the mountain.
    P says that he is going to save on burial costs when I die and just chuck me into the sea.

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    1. I used to suggest using the 'Compost Heap', but I'm not sure if it's legal!

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  6. A small country churchyard where my parents, grandparents, great, great great etc have been buried for hundreds of years. The church is still open (just), so I'm hopeful. And I want to be buried, not cremated - I like the idea that I will be pushing up daisies.

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    1. I like the idea of continuity, but for my lot it's almost impossible. We're all over the place.

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  7. If your ashes are scattered, I hope it's not windy that day.

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    1. I think the idea of a stiff breeze would be preferable. Some of me might end-up in boring Eastbourne, some in Calais, and maybe even some in Norway.

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  8. I had this conversation with my kids very recently. What I would like and where I would like to be....I'm going to be a firework and be sent into the night sky (landing geographically inbetween where I was born and where I lived).

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    1. I like that idea, but a bit random as where you might land.

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    2. Up like a rocket and down like a stick..wherever it lands will be geographically ok with me.....

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  9. Beautiful cemetery. I'd like to donate my body to science, as my mother in law did (after any useful organs are harvested). Then when they're done with me and cremate whatever's left over, I don't really care what happens to my ashes. Plus I doubt there will be anybody around who will want a place to visit. Maybe our niece or nephew will scatter me somewhere.

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    1. I don't think, in the West, that people do care much about putting flowers on graves, etc. They are more likely to visit the graves of their dogs (quite rightly).

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  10. When my parents ashes were put in a garden plot surrounded by roses, i bought the one next to them. I was only 47, and it cost $250. Best present i ever bought.

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    1. Great foresight. We should all think about such things; even at 47.

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  11. My mother was cremated and her ashes were divided among her four children. I've actually enjoyed the process of finding meaningful resting spots for my mother. I'm hoping my boys will do the same for me instead of leaving me in a bag at the back of one of their sock drawers, (in perpetuity!)

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    1. My late Mother-in-Law was divided into two parts and buried both in the UK and in France. I suppose we really should have sent a third part back to Sweden.

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  12. Your village cemetery is quite beautiful and looks like a fine final resting place. As for me, there is a large family plot that I could go to. I, too, hold all the ownership paperwork. Currently, I prefer my ashes be taken out to sea. Blue water off the coast of Maine would be just fine.

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    1. I think that sounds beautiful. A scattering at sea is the perfect finalé.

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  13. Beautiful cemetery, a lovely place to rest. Old burial grounds have a better personality than the flat slab easy to mow style.
    My wish is. mix my ashes with a good potting soil, and use it to plant flower bulbs. I like the knowing in the end, my life has purpose.

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    1. I particularly like the idea of one's ashes going back to where one was born. To make the soil as fertile as possible in one's own spot.

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  14. I recently gave away a cemetery plot, in my hometown, the last place I want to spend eternity

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    1. There are several places I've live where I'd hate to be buried. Nasty places; nasty people.

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  15. I do not want to be buried. I will be cremated and my children can scatter my ashes where they will remember me. I have a few lovely hiking spots that they know I like to go to so maybe there... I won't care where they decide. I just hope they remember me with fondness and laughter! :)

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    1. As long as they go back their occasionally, with their hiking boots on, I don't think you could ask for more.

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  16. Cremation and tossed into the sea for me! I couldn't bear the thought of anything else, and Richard III's ignoble end under a carpark is a cautionary tale against the romance of an eternally bucolic interment. I have recently learned that oodles of my Sydney forebears are in a cemetery called the Field of Mars. It doesn't look as atmospheric as it sounds, however.

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    1. 'Field of Mars' does sound very exotic, a bit like Flanders Field. Yes, poor old Richard 111, at least he's no longer under that nameless car park.

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  17. I don't really care where. I will be cremated and my ashes dumped in a hole and a lilac tree plopped on top. That's all. My son felt there should be a marker. I feel that it's kind of silly. They'll know where I am, should they wish to pay their respects, but once the people who remember me are gone, a marker ceases to be meaningful.

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