The Hon, the Rev Isiah Magnon (1868).
20. 12. 1870. 'Dear Diary; why don't all these bloody people leave me alone, anyone would think it was bloody Christmas'.
21. 12. 1870. 'Mrs Magnon, and HER 12 children, now assure me that it IS Christmas, so I suppose I'd better inform my illiterate parishioners'.
22. 12. 1870. 'That's torn it; they all want me to put on some bloody theatrical extravaganza with a donkey, someone giving birth in a stable, and a bunch of swarthy Kings. I suggested we did Dick Whittington or Cinderella instead, but the buggers insisted'.
23. 12 1870. 'A good day; I ordered the Turkey, the Ham, the Goose, and a flagon of Port. I think we should have enough to bide us over the next couple of days..... as long as I get a moment to enjoy it'.
24. 12. 1870. 'The parishioners want me to stay up till bloody midnight. Don't they know that tomorrow is my busiest day of the year; I've received invitations for both lunch and dinner'.
25. 12. 1870. 'Too much Port last night, I'm having a lie-in. Can someone please stop those bloody children singing about Shepherds watching their bloody flocks; I'm trying to sleep'.
26. 12. 1870. 'I've been summoned up to Magnon Manor this morning. The present incumbent, my cousin Lord Tobias Magnon, is in a tiff. It seems that I swore at the bloody village children yesterday, after their bloody donkey left a trail of bloody garden manure all over the isle, one of the bloody Kings sicked-up cake all over the font, and that bloody 5 year old urchin from the Workhouse urinated behind the organ. Thank god we only have this bloody Christmas lark once a year. I hope Toby's got some decent Port in the house'.
27. 12. 1870. 'If is wasn't for that bit of rumpy-pumpy with Constance the scullery maid last night, it would have been another completely ruined Christmas'.
1. 1. 1871. 'I'm thinking of becoming a Bishop; less work, better Port'.
Quite a character! I can understand why with the scene of the donkey do, the child throwing up and the potty. I'm sure none of it was the result of any of his doing including his wife's 12 children. It was a fun and interesting read. Thanks.ReplyDelete
Excellent - funnily enough it sounds a bit like you - seems grumpiness runs in the family. Enjoy the port.ReplyDelete
I'm only grumpy until the 24th!Delete
What a nice bit of silliness. But just to check I googled his name. Yep. Just silliness.ReplyDelete
I thought you Magnons were still decorating caves in the 19th century.
LOVED it! This has gotta be one of your most clever posts of all time. Reminds me a little bit of a book we got from the library (multiple times) when the children were young. It was called "Father Christmas", and he complained about "bloody this" and "bloody that" throughout the entire book. Hilarious. (Just like your post!)ReplyDelete
Undoubtedly, this influenced your decision to embrace atheism. Little wonder.ReplyDelete
Hilariously funny, thanks I needed this to start my day.ReplyDelete
Oh, if only this were a true entry...ReplyDelete
I can but dream!Delete
Ha..swarthy kings and rogering the parlour maid..how refreshingly politically incorrect and hilarious!ReplyDelete
I was so hoping it was authentic! I think I'll just pretend it is! ;-)ReplyDelete