Sunday 27 November 2011

The Sunday Rant: Dog Fouling.

Signs like the above were (and probably still are) to be found all over my UK home town of Brighton; unfortunately so was lots of dog mess.

If one was to employ a Dog Defecation Operative (for that is what he would probably be called), he would only need to catch two miscreants (half an hours work) per week in order for his salary to be paid, the council to be in profit, and the pavements to be considerably cleaner.

With this in mind, I once wrote to the relevant council department to ask what revenue had been gathered as the result of placing so many £500 Penalty notices all over town.... I heard nothing for several months.

Then one day a small parcel arrived. It contained my letter, pinned to a pile of official-looking inter-departmental ramblings.  My original letter had obviously been passed around, and scrutinised. Notes had been written all over it, and post-it notes stuck to every scrap of space.

Questions such as 'Who is this person?', 'Why is he asking this?', 'Is he someone important?', 'Do we owe him an answer?', were scribbled all over both the front and back. BUT NO-ONE HAD SIGNED ANYTHING.

So who had sent me this huge pile of 'jobsworth' bureaucratic missives? To this day I have no idea, other than it must have been a secretly concerned Whistle Blower, who probably had asked the same simple question as myself!


  1. Phew, You had me worried, for a moment, with 'Then one day a small parcel arrived'!

  2. I did listen to it before opening!

  3. @Cro - this is a crap post.

    Sorry, someone had to say it! Cheap of me, I know.

    Given that notions of common sense (beaten into individuals from school age onwards if necessary), of courtesy and consideration seem to have been removed from the great unwashed I don't know why they make these signs so specific. Why not just "Penalty for everything - £500" signs alternating with "Don't even think about it"?

    Oh heck - I'm forgetting about being "politically inclusive-enabled and grammar-dumbed" for the 90% who can't read...

  4. Everyone carries around plastic bags in Bath, and actually picks up the shite with their hands - I think I'd rather see it left on the pavement.

  5. I was stopped in the village last year by two community support officers in a minibus!! who unsmilingly offered me a plastic bone filled with shit bags........

    go figure the cost!

  6. But did ANYONE answer the question?

  7. That really is dreadful! Sort of sick in the stomach hopelessness kind of feeling.

    I'm not sure your economics would work though as I suspect the problem of dog fouling is created by a few people who, by going out twice a day leave a lot of mess. Once they were sorted, the revenue would fall away. Once that happened, the 'operative' would be paid off . . . and the cycle would probably begin again!

  8. Delores. No they didn't.

    Esther. Let's not have logic ruin a good plan.

  9. I suppose we can't quit trying to dispense common courtesy but the only hope probably is univeral justice. What goes around comes around. In my tiny township we had to post signs
    superimposed over a stick bicycle riding figure. To no avail.

  10. One question, giving birth to more. I guess your answer came by way of the whistle blower. Salaries.

  11. WOW. i'm impressed. At least someone took the time to find an envelope and address it and stamp the booger. Far more than I've gotten back in my raw milk brigade. far more


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