I am Aghast.

 

I am SHOCKED!

I recently heard that A THIRD of all food grown in, and imported into, the UK ends up in landfill. This is an absolute scandal.

What I cannot understand is what people are doing with their food! I do remember being totally shocked, a few years ago, hearing that people threw away the remains of the Christmas Day Turkey. Are people totally bonkers?

I would be surprised if even ½% of my fruit, vegs, and meat, is thrown away. I try to use everything. These days I even use the outer leaves of a Cauliflower; sliced very finely they make a very good addition to a potage.

This frightening revelation about wastage is the perfect reason to re-introduce pukka 'Domestic Science' in our schools. As far as I'm concerned it is far more useful to know how to make a good nourishing and tasty soup, than it is to know what an Oxbow Lake is.

I don't really know what school children do all day on their phones (other than looking at rude photos of Sally Cartwright of the Lower IVth), but whatever they do, it cannot be more important than learning about food, and how NOT to waste it. 

Bring back Jamie Oliver!

LAUREL & HARDY - The Crumbling Car

Of all the pioneer comedy film actors, my favourite has to be these two.

This makes me laugh every time I see it.

Chancellor for a Day.

 

The fragrant Rachel Reeves has kindly offered me the post of Chancellor for one day. Here are my proposed policies.

1. Increase OAP Winter Fuel Payments to the same level as Ms Reeves herself claimed for heating her second home, i.e. £740 pa.

2. Reduce Train drivers salaries to just £60,000 pa.

3. Sack most non-essential NHS managers.

4. Build more prisons.

5. Reduce tax on Beer, Wine, and Pork Pies. Increase tax on Cigarettes, Tobacco, and Rucksacks.

6. Reduce house rates by 50%.

7. Reduce High Street business rates by 50%.

8. Introduce Road Tax for Caravans, and trailers over 10ft long, and tax private cars according to horse power, and/or cubic capacity. Under 1500cc free; over 1500cc, £500 pa and rising.

9. All under-18's will be fined £1 per minute for any mobile phone usage over one hour per day.

10. Introduce a bonus scheme for all OAP's who don't eat/drink in the street, and who don't drop litter (maybe £100 per week).

There, you see; it's all quite simple. I guarantee my budget would be far more popular than Ms Reeves'.

Celebrities Doing Nothing.

I get really peed-off seeing TV programme after TV programme advertised about 'Celebs' competing in silly quizzes, being in the jungle, racing around the world, dancing, cooking, or being invited onto panels to give their opinion about things they probably know nothing about.

I even recently noticed that Celebs had infiltrated 'Escape to the Country'; a country property finding programme.

Most of the Celebs are unknown to me, but even if they were I really don't want to witness all this back-slapping, jobs for the boys, cash-distribution, tomfoolery.

So, may I suggest an innovative programme entitled 'Celebs Doing Absolutely Nothing'. They would stay locked-in at home, with no cameras around, and simply remain silent. If the programme was aired on TV, a still photo of a waterfall or some daffodils would suffice. The important thing would be NOT to see the Celebs, or hear what they have to say. Silence would certainly be golden. Maybe the one who could remain silent and invisible the longest would win a six month stay on some isolated and uninhabited Scottish island.

If they became bored and demanded to be released (presuming they could no longer stand not being in the limelight) they would be allowed to enter my 'Celebrity Bomb Disposal' programme (yet to be adopted by a TV Co). The only Celeb programme really worth watching!

A Day in the Life of Cro.

 

We needed a different sitting room coffee table.

Our existing table was a 1940's Lloyd Loom monstrosity that Lady M thought was stylish, but I simply thought ugly and impractical.

Here in Brighton & Hove we have a wonderful Hospice called The Martlets (Martlets, or Swifts, are the symbol of Sussex). The hospice is a highly regarded and treasured local institution, and everyone supports them as much as possible.

So, looking for a new (second hand) coffee table my first thought was to visit The Martlets Charity Shop, which just happens to be en route to my out-of-town supermarket; Lady M accompanied me.

It was my first visit to their shop, and after a good look around I finally came across a table which was exactly what we were looking for. Plain, simple, and made from knotty Pine.

The price tag said £35, so I wasn't arguing. A new one would have cost well over £100.

It may not be the most elegant or stylish table, but it does what's asked of it (other than having a lower shelf), and has even already had seal of approval.

The Turkish rug beneath it came back with us from France recently. It's one of those things we really didn't want to have stolen!

Oh dear.

 

Oh dear. Again I don't want to be too critical of Labour because I'm quite 'middle of the road' when it comes to politics, but we've only just returned to our New Socialist Republic, and the first thing I read (and saw on PMQ's) was that the UK is withholding certain armament export licenses to Israel.

The UK has always rightly been a staunch supporter of democratic Israel, and the world has always known that if you mess with Israel, you mess with Britain. Now it seems, not so!  I can't imagine that the US will be too happy with new boy Starmer over his decisions.

The Socialists have now re-joined the Hamas-lovies, and are weakening their ties with Israel. On the very day when six hostages were found brutally murdered by Hamas (Corbyn's friends), they returned to the bad-old-days of Labour Party antisemitism. What message does this give to Hamas, and the international world of terrorism? 

Starmer previously spoke quite vehemently about sweeping away the traditional anti-Jewish sentiment that his party was known for, and we all supported him, but now that he's our new PM, it looks as if he's given-in to pressure.

Personally I believe that you're either pro Israel's right to exist, and you support them 100%, or you don't. You can't sit on the fence.

So, now that the poor UK pensioners have been clobbered, and the wealthy railway Union members given massive pay rises, what we all need to ask is WHEN are those Socialist good times going to start rolling? As the fragrant Ms Rayner wrote during the 2017 election 'Labour will maintain the winter fuel payment and bus passes for pensioners'. Well, of course you will. Are bus passes the next to go?

Rumours are already circulating that there will be a new 'Mansion Tax' (a 'mansion' being any nice home in southern England) where someone having worked hard enough to buy a home worth around £3 Million would pay an extra £10,000 p.a. Inheritance Tax will probably also rise, hitting those same hard-working savers. Petrol Tax is bound to rise, as is tax on Junk-Food. I've even heard that they will be taxing GLASS BOTTLES.  

And let us not forget all those criminals who have now been let loose onto our streets. What could possibly go wrong??? Who voted for all this shit?

Possibly most importantly and worrying for the UK in general, they intend to create a 100% politicised, and age-limited, Upper House (The House of Lords). No longer will random politically-unaffiliated peers from the shires take their rightful seats (and vote however they see best), now they will be elected by whatever political party is in power, and will take the party whip. A very sad day for democracy. If they really did want to make sensible changes to The Lords, they should get rid of all those bloody Bishops.

Oh dear...... 4 more years of Socialism. 

Festival of Slowth - 2024 - Wales

Whilst down here in Sussex, 'The Festival of Speed' was taking place at Goodwood, up in Wales 'The Festival of Slowth' was in full swing.

I've always rather fancied owning some simple old sporty 'banger', but I'm afraid that my mechanical knowledge is zero. I leave it to others.

The cost of Motoring

I have never previously calculated the annual cost of my car ownership. 

On returning to the UK recently, all my annual payments for The Compact Royce (Debi) arrived either by post or by Email. They have now all been paid.

Road Tax: £190

Insurance: £631.05

Annual Service and MOT: £255

Total: £1,076.05 (To which I should add another £230 for my recent pothole damage)

I hadn't realised that it cost so much. Add to that the cost of petrol, and any incidental repairs, and it becomes quite an expensive pleasure.

As long as I can afford it, I don't really mind; I would hate to be without my car.

In absentia

Typical; as soon as we get back to Brighton, Kimbo, Susie, and Suave-Harve swan off to Venice. 

We have cyber-spoken, and they have sent photos of their 'fine-dining', but it's not like seeing them again in person. They'll be back quite soon.

They could have waited a while, and maybe even taken us with them!

They haven't missed much here, it's been raining most of the time.

 

Re-Stocking.

I love getting back to Blighty just as much as I love going out to France.

My first big task this week was to go shopping, to re-stock the house with essentials and not-such-essentials. The kitchen cupboards were totally EMPTY.

I did bring back a lot of things from France. Tins of Paté, Confit, certain types of Pasta, canned Fish, etc, which are mostly unavailable here, but things such as butter, meat, eggs, vegetables, and fruit, all have to be re-stocked. Small treats also have to be bought; Black Pudding, Bacon, Haggis, etc. As you might see, my kitchen cupboard is now groaning (above). I shall soon now have to start on the freezer.

We still eat soup every day for lunch, so all my favourite ingredients needed to be bought; Potatoes, Leeks, Cauli, Pak choi, etc. I also always keep an Aubergine and a few Courgettes handy.

As I was going around my local BIG Sainsbury's, I suddenly realised what a 'creature of habit' I am. I literally went from shelf to shelf in exactly the same way as I always do. Nothing varied at all.

I shall buy some Lamb for the weekend, and make a Greek-style Kleftiko. We're already back into the regular swing of things.

p.s. I'm now seeing all the things I missed, so I will need to return this morning. After that we should be OK for the coming week.

Oh my god; just look at that!

 

Having been involved in the world of Art & Design for most of my life, I have come across all sorts of people who design anything from children's clothes, huge Dubai hotels, and even fireplaces. Some of them were far better than others. 

I suppose that most of us who've been through the Art College system were 'indoctrinated' into believing that The Bauhaus was the epitome of good 20th century design. Well, not only do I disagree, but I also think they paved the way to more cheap and shoddy design than they could ever have imagined.

To make any utilitarian object by using a minimum of material, and then make it space-saving, by making it 'stack', is to me the opposite of good design. I want my design to be beautiful and practical, not made from old scaffolding poles, and specifically designed to take-up as little space as possible in the corner of a room. Of course I don't entirely blame The Bauhaus for all such design, but they certainly led the way.

Recently whilst staying at our 'staging post' hotel in Orléans, I noticed this absolutely dreadful piece of 'furniture' (above), and was outraged that anyone had thought it good enough to sell,  buy, or offer to clients of the hotel to use. I suppose it epitomises exactly my attitude towards post-Bauhaus design work. It is cheaply made with no attempt whatsoever at 'beauty', and in my opinion is probably the UGLIEST thing I've seen for decades. I didn't study it too closely, but I wouldn't be surprised if it 'stacked' as well.

And if all that wasn't bad enough, they go and paint in PINK.

If there was a prize for 'The Worst Design of the 21st Century', I think this would win hands down!

Charlie Drake - My Boomerang Won't Come Back - 1962

Who needs Taylor Swift or Oasis, when you can have Charlie Drake!

This record stayed in the Top 20 in the UK for 11 weeks in 1962; it even reached No 3 in Canada.

I also see it was produced by George Martin, more often associated with producing The Beatles. 

Do you remember it? I can hardly believe that we used to enjoy such things!

Back 'home'.

 

So, here we are, back in Brighton after a very tiring but reasonably uneventful trip. Billy is as pleased to be back 'home' as we are. I think the trip must be more arduous for him than it is for us, but at least he can sleep for most of the time. He has already met-up with several old chums in the park; as have we. How lovely to be greeted warmly again wherever we go.

Both Lady M and I will now relax for a few days. We've both been suffering from the usual old-age aches and pains, and it'll be good to allow our bodies to revive; we had far too much to do before leaving France, and were both exhausted; even before the journey. Kimbo and Susie are away in Italy for a while!

With my mobility problems I shan't be doing too much, but I shall still be driving to the shops, village pubs, and maybe to sit by the sea. I shan't be doing much walking around town for a while.

We drove into central Brighton at around 9.45 pm yesterday, and the whole place was BUZZING with activity. Loads of young people everywhere, all enjoying a reasonably warm and dry evening. What a difference to where we live in France, where our nearby 'Bastide Town' is dead by about 8.30 pm.

So, I shall be off to my favourite 'out of town' supermarket tomorrow, to buy lots of vegetables, fruit, a pork pie, and a BIG JOINT OF BEEF. I have a real craving for Beef at the moment; I haven't had any for ages. 

I must admit; it's very good (particularly this year) to be back home.

Departure

It's that time of year again. Time to pack our bags and return to Blighty.

The three months seem to have flown by. Unfortunately I haven't been able to do as much as I'd wanted on account of some developing health issues, but it's still been a wonderful break. I'm now left wondering if I'll ever return? If my mobility becomes worse, and I lose my ability to drive, I shall have to remain in Brighton whilst the others head south without me.

I shan't really mind. I've had over 50 years in France and they have all been filled with wonderful memories.

So, time now to return to a simpler life in England. To pints of bitter at my local, to shopping at Sainsbury's and Waitrose, to Pork Pies, a Chinese takeaway maybe, to the friendliness of our neighbours and acquaintances, and of course to family.

It's a strange feeling, having lived in a foreign country for so long, spoken their language, and adopted their ways, to return to the home of my birth once and for all. To know that never again will I stop to chat with my oldest friends here; José and Jean-Claude. Nor to head off to the woods each morning to gather wild mushrooms. Or even take the road each week to the supermarket where I've shopped once a week for decades. Of course none of this is certain, but I'm not over optimistic.

Ours is a pretty little house, built from stone and topped with ancient clay 'Roman' tiles; I shall miss it terribly. We've added to the original one derelict room quite extensively; keeping the local artisans, and myself, busy over the years. I'm very proud to say that I've rescued a 300 year old house from certain ruin, and created a comfortable and charming home. Had it been bought by a Frenchman, it would either have been demolished, or made into a 'modern featureless bungalow'. They still rarely see the beauty in ancient stones.

Other than the bare-bones of the single room cottage, there had been just one very old Pear tree, leaning perilously towards the house, that had to come down. Everything growing there now was planted by us!

So, goodbye little house. Goodbye pool. And goodbye to the little tower built by Lady M and myself. I've loved every minute of my life here (other than welcoming a few unpleasant new neighbours), and I genuinely hope that I've made some lasting contribution to our tiny community.

This is not a definitive 'adieu' to my little cottage (or to France), because medical science might suddenly find a miracle cure for my ailing back, hips, knee, and legs, but I'm not holding my breath.

On verra bien!  

The car is packed, and I shall be on the road for a couple of days, so I won't be able to reply to comments. See you again soon!

Hoodies and Masks.

Do YOU feel obliged to cover your face every time you go outside? No, nor do I; but many do!

The simple question must be, why do so many young people, usually (but not exclusively) males from ethnic minority groups, seem to find this face-covering essential even at the height of summer? I think we all probably know the answer!

Back in the UK I often come across gangs of young men in the churchyard or in the twitten behind my garage, smoking a bit of dope, drinking from cans of beer, and always all wearing black hoodies, and/or masks. Personally I'm not intimidated by them; no-one who's played Rugby against Croydon RC would find them intimidating. Billy and I just say hello, and walk past.

But, of course, many ARE intimidated; especially lone young women. And I often find myself warning them that such a group are 'just around the corner', and suggest that they might prefer to take a slightly different route to avoid any hassle.

I really do think it's about time that the government took some action about such people, they do appear very threatening to many. For a start they could BAN the wearing of face masks and balaclavas in public. If they wish to wear them at home, OK; but not in public. I'm not sure how they could ban hoodies, but there must be an answer.

Ireland is proposing such a ban, so why not the UK?

They should also bring in some new form of 'National Service' for all those nearly ONE MILLION 16 to 24 year old's who are neither in full-time education or work, and are living 'on the dole'. It should be made to be interesting, fun, informative, and hopefully also teach them a trade. Shaved heads, stylish uniforms, and no hoodies would be mandatory. They should be able to leave after a year or so with pride at having been through such an experience; and with a ruminative trade under their belts. Maybe they could even be taught how to fill potholes; that would be a good start!

Rishi Sunak promised a scheme, and Sir Keir Starmer is currently being encouraged. We now just have to wait and see.

I think the events of the recent months suggest that such discipline and training for young men is desperately needed. I can't see anything against the idea.