I originally posted this informative piece back in the Summer of 2019, but I have now seen fit to add to it slightly.
As all Sussex folk know, the very centre of the Garden of Eden was positioned at Chanctonbury Ring in Sussex; a high point so perfectly situated atop the South Downs that it looks out over the sea to the South, and towards Kent and Surrey to the North.
Adam and Eve Sussex (their correct family names are unknown, but are thought to have been Starkadder and Fuller respectively) chose their home wisely. Not only was there a good Apple orchard, but the serpents thereabouts were of the friendly variety.
However, eventually their landlord (a Mr Good) wished to evict them, and made-up some silly story about them being members of some nudist club, and he wanted nothing more to do with them.
But he was not all bad. Mr Good took pity on them, and before closing Eden's gate behind them, he loaded onto their Ford Transit Van the minimum with which they could survive, before they could find themselves another suitable home.
He gave them a tool box, a cock and six hens, paint brushes and a tube of sepia, six pencils from 2B to 4H, tobacco in a tin, a Latin primer, a selection of verse and prose by good Sussex writers, a small printing press, the basic elements of jurisprudence, a compact medicine chest, a collection of seeds, two pigs, and a large ball of twine.
Adam and Eve Sussex (their correct family names are unknown, but are thought to have been Starkadder and Fuller respectively) chose their home wisely. Not only was there a good Apple orchard, but the serpents thereabouts were of the friendly variety.
However, eventually their landlord (a Mr Good) wished to evict them, and made-up some silly story about them being members of some nudist club, and he wanted nothing more to do with them.
But he was not all bad. Mr Good took pity on them, and before closing Eden's gate behind them, he loaded onto their Ford Transit Van the minimum with which they could survive, before they could find themselves another suitable home.
He gave them a tool box, a cock and six hens, paint brushes and a tube of sepia, six pencils from 2B to 4H, tobacco in a tin, a Latin primer, a selection of verse and prose by good Sussex writers, a small printing press, the basic elements of jurisprudence, a compact medicine chest, a collection of seeds, two pigs, and a large ball of twine.
On reflection, I would now advise Mr Good, that in future, any Chanctonbury residents to be evicted should also be given a No 9 Opinel pocket knife, a box of masks, hand sanitiser, a couple of Astra Zeneca jabs, a bicycle, and some machine on which to play a good selection of instrumental Ska records.
This story is true because Mr Hilaire Belloc told me so. The rest is history.
This story is true because Mr Hilaire Belloc told me so. The rest is history.
I'm just back from my weekly shopping, and I think I'll have to add 'a year's worth of food' to the above list. Food shelves very sparse, and certain sections closed-off (clothes etc). Macron up to his tricks again !
ReplyDeleteAn intriguing blogpost. Clearly some funny stuff goes on in that there Sussex. Up to 1000 naked people once rode bicycles through the streets of Brighton. Of course I assume that you and Madame Magnon were amongst them.
ReplyDeleteWe looked the other way. I can't stand exhibitionists!
DeleteYou forgot one of the most important items that any "reasonable" household should have: Duct Tape
ReplyDeleteHow right you are; it would come in very handy if the bike broke!
DeleteTo that list of necessaries, you forgot coffee. There must be coffee. That's how Eve avoids killing off Adam. At least in the Adam and Eve of Pennsylvania clan. Adam is way too cheerful way to early. Eve can't take it and rambles off for coffee.
ReplyDeleteI thought that was Gin. It is in this latter day Garden of Eden.
DeleteAdam there must be quite a character if Eve needs to collect the stuff. :)
ReplyDelete