Turner Prize 2019.

Frankly I think they might as well cancel the whole ridiculous Turner Prize farce, once and for all..

This years finalists, Helen Cammock, Oscar Murillo, Tai Shani, and Lawrence Abu Hamdan, decided to make a political statement (whilst holding a 'Tories Out' sign), and asked the Turner Prize committee to award them all a joint prize, in some protest about the government. For some bizarre reason the committee capitulated, and they now all share the prize.

I have never heard of contestants in any competition actually telling the judges to whom they should award their prize.

As for the work itself, above is Helen Cammock's offering (The Long Note). The other three were almost as hapless. 

Above is my own version of Ms Cammock's oeuvre (The Longer Note). Prizeworthy?

So, I am advising the committee to give up now, before you make even bigger fools of yourselves in 2020. The Turner Prize has run its course.

Good riddance!

Who to vote for (UK General Election 2019).

One week to go, and rather than blindly believing electoral hype (party manifestos), it is always far better to look at previous performance. 

What have the different parties done in the past? 

How have they left the economy after a period in office? 

How did they perform on unemployment?

How many of their electoral promises were fulfilled?

On this basis, one can eliminate The Greens, The Brexit party, Independents, Ukip, etc, as they can promise whatever they like in the knowledge that their promises will never be challenged, and therefore mean nothing. 

The only parties to be taken at all seriously are The Tories, The Socialists, and The Libs.

Let's start with the weakest. The Libs are homely and cute, they are the party you'd want to run a small village WI, or your local Post Office; their policies are that of a Parish Council. However, they are the sole party firmly committed to 'Remain' in the EU, and that will attract tactical voters from both the Tories and Socialists. They like to attract youthful voters by offering free University education (rather like Corbyn). Their party leader 'Jo' is a busy Mum with two young children and may appeal to those of a similar ilk.

Who votes Lib? Those who like to be seen as young, trendy, and adventurous. They are all members of their local 'Ramblers Association', and ride bikes to work.

Next come The Socialists. This lot spells serious DANGER. The Jewish Chronicle, Blunkett, Lummers, Blair, the Chief Rabbi, and even many of their present MP's, have declared Comrade Corbyn to be totally unfit for office. Vote Socialist and you vote for strikes, increased unemployment, increased taxes for the poor, and business closures. The Left are in the pay of the powerful Unions, and when McCluskey says jump, they jump. Never in their long and glorious history have the Socialists ever left power with either increased employment, or a better economy. It has always been thus, but their supporters couldn't give a fig. It has been estimated that Corbyn's election promises would cost £1.2 Trillion; that's £43,000 for every man woman and child in the UK (this may now have increased). Gargantuan irresponsibility on an unparalleled scale; not to mention McDonnell's recent promise of FREE fast fibre broadband for every home and business in the UK, costing an estimated further £100 Billion. I believe this could put 600 non-BT 'internet providers' (and all their employees) out of business. The loss of 'private initiative' jobs would be massive. Think 'Winter of Discontent', but much worse!

Who votes Socialist? Those who want something for nothing (obviously). They like to make placards, wear hoodies and masks, and throw bricks at anything that represents authority.

Lastly The Tories. They are generally regarded as the 'safe pair of hands' of British politics. We may not like their austere Good Housekeeping policies, but in the long term the whole country benefits from their prudent handling of the economy (as at present). It's true that they've made a total Pig's arse of Brexit, but they are not alone in that! If you want increased employment figures, and a strong economy; you are obliged to vote Tory. Having previously been considered an ogre, it seems as if Boris is once again in favour.

Who votes Tory? People with traditional values who live outside of London, in the countryside. The women wear headscarves, and the men wear tweed. 

Who to vote for if you want.....

Brexit......... Tories.

Don't know. Socialists.

Remain....... Libs.

N B. Whilst we're in flesh-pressing, and baby-kissing, mode, wouldn't it be good to see a new law which insists on EVERYTHING contained in a party's manifesto being legally binding if elected, and any failures to enact policies within their term in office would be an imprisonable offence. Only that way will we begin to inject some credibility into electioneering.

p.s. Just for the record, my prediction is this. There will be a hung parliament, the Tories will do a deal with the Lib's, on condition that another referendum will be held. The people will then vote to 'remain' in the EU, I will have won €5, and Boris will continue as PM... I may be 100% wrong; we'll see.

Picasso.

Picasso must be the most famous 20th C painter; his 'blue period' paintings such as 'Femme nue II' and 'Boy with pipe', are amongst the world's most popular cheap reproductions. 

Like him, or loathe him, there is hardly a single person in the western world who hasn't heard his name. 

The photo above was taken in 1964, and the works that surround him are typical of that time. I went to an exhibition of his 'current works' at the ICA a few years later; the works above might well have been included in the show.

What I saw was an exhibition of slap-dash work, on very badly stretched canvases, that looked to me as if he was simply filling his coffers on the backs of a gullible public who were willing to pay a king's ransom for one of his inferior works. The whole gallery smelt of fresh oil paint.

There is no question that he was a ground-breaking painter, and his reputation is well deserved, but there came a time when he was producing nothing more than pot-boilers, and no longer 'agonised' about what he was doing.

It might have been better had he stopped working back in the 60's.

Rubbish.

This photo taken in 1910 shows how the Parisian rubbish collectors disposed of their rubbish; it was tipped directly into the Seine. Luckily such activities no longer happen, and the Seine is once again clean.

Our new system of rubbish collection is due to start in January 2021, and we have recently been made to fill in pointless forms, telling the authorities all about ourselves, our habits, hat size, etc. In future, disposing of all those bits of plastic, kindly given to us by the supermarkets etc, will cost us dearly.

Luckily we have very little rubbish. We burn most of the paper, we compost our vegetable waste, and any tins bottles etc go to recycling.

However, we'll still have to pay for the new service regardless of how often we use it. It's not a fortune, but it was previously added to our annual 'rates', and we took it for granted. In future we will receive a separate charge; about €180 in all, per annum.

The old system seemed perfectly good to me, but there's nothing that bureaucrats love more than changing things!

Misunderstood.

Look, these are nice boys OK? They all go to their local Mosque every week, they read their Korans, and they work hard to try to integrate into life in their adopted country.

Sadly they did all plot to kill people, but they didn't mean to actually carry it out. No, they were doing it for research purposes only, so they could warn others about the dangers of crime.

Unfortunately the stupid legal system saw things differently and sentenced them to prison. 

Whilst inside they killed no-one, nor did they plot to destroy any London buildings. In fact they were perfect inmates, and really deserved to be let out much earlier than expected; especially after promising to be very good boys in future. Their causes were rightly championed by some important 'prison reform' Labour MP's.

So, along with another 200 or so like-minded thinkers, they are now all happily back at home with their families (except for a couple who still had important projects to finish), and are all following their hobbies like knitting, pottery, cake-baking, and weaving; I hear that one is even about to establish a rescue centre for kittens. They are once again perfect citizens, and if any racist killjoy says anything different; don't take any notice.

To serve a quarter of one's sentence is plenty; in fact I would suggest far less. They are all now reformed characters..... I know because they told us so.

Mr Corbyn agrees with me. He said recently "Letting them free is the correct thing to do if they have been rehabilitated (which of course they have), but they must serve some of their sentence".

I mean; you can tell they're nice boys just by looking at them.

p.s. It must be said that Usman Khan (the nasty bastard missing from the above photos) must have forgotten that (in Corbyn's words) he had been 'rehabilitated'.

Birds.

For such a quiet and heavily wooded area, we have surprisingly few interesting birds.

At this time of year I start to fill our bird-feeders with mixed seeds, and am usually disappointed to see that 99% of the takers are Great Tits, with just a few Blue Tits, a couple of Robins, and a handful of Sparrows joining in. All very bog-standard.

However we do have a few interesting visitors. Black Caps (above) always turn-up, a family of Doves cautiously watch affairs from a safe distance, and Nuthatches regularly scamper up and down the Quince tree where our feeder hangs.

In Summer we often hear Hoopoes calling (but tend not to see them), we have a regular visit from a Hen Harrier, and to witness the migrating Cranes is always a delight.

Recently we have been 'invaded' by Egrets who peck around beneath the foraging cattle. The skies are always dotted with Buzzards, and several groups (maybe the same group) of Red Kites have been spotted circling above the house.

I love to see plenty of birds about, and to hear the Blackbirds singing in early Spring is one of the year's true avian pleasures. Serious birdwatchers might find our area a bit dull, but if quantity is anything to go by, we are blessed.

Wine Gums.

NB. When I say 'Wine Gums', I mean 'MAYNARDS Wine Gums'; nothing else is worthy of the name.

There was a time when I was totally addicted to Wine Gums. I could eat 1 lb a day, easily. I had to hold myself back.

When I was working on the London Stock Exchange, there was an inter-firm Wine Gum tasting competition, and I represented my firm (Sheppards & Co). The idea was this; after a few pints at a favourite hostelry in Throgmorton Street, each firm's representative would be blindfolded in turn, and asked to identify the flavour of several Wine Gums. Usually about 5.

I don't really remember if anyone actually won or lost, but I did consider myself to be a champion of sorts. My main rival was an old school friend (fellow blue-button NL; who worked for Panmure Gordon & Co) and we locked horns on a regular basis; there was company pride involved. The main purpose of these evenings was the drinking of beer to celebrate the end of the working day; not the eating of Wine Gums.

I don't eat too many Wine Gums these days as they're not sold here, but if any member of the family really wants to be in my 'good books', then a pack of Maynards at Christmas always does the job.

On the question of sweets, I do very occasionally buy myself a packet of 'fizzy' Haribo Coke bottles, or even some Licorice wheels; but I have to do so in secret, otherwise Lady M would get the rolling pin out!