Wednesday, 11 February 2026

New-Speak



Headline writers ain't what they used to be!

I will attempt to translate this New-Speak newspaper headline that baffled me recently.

It seems that a happy American actor, Leonardo DiCaprio, has 'busted' something or other whilst moving house (maybe?), which involved some ice cubes. He was probably looking for something to cool his drinks. 

At the same time, someone called B F F Tobey Maguire had broken one of Leonardo's really super (possibly antique) bowls, and his girlfriend rips into the Italians, saying that their ice was far too slippery. They are all at The Winter Olympics.

What the inexperienced headline-writer should have written was 'Actor slips on ice at Winter Olympics, and breaks precious bowl'. Much better, and to the point!

 

15 comments:

Caz.P. said...

I'm too old for all this new speak rubbish. Maybe they think it makes it sound exciting. What happened to speaking English? We watched an old war film last night and I unerstood every word. No swearing either.I didn't even need my hearing aids, just the volume turned up a bit.

Caz.P. said...

your earlier post made me smile.My name is Partridge.

Cro Magnon said...

The worst thing about modern acting is DICTION. I've been in a few films, and even if you are standing right next to most actors you can't understand anything they say. They should all do Theatre before Film.

Cro Magnon said...

I knew a 'Partridge' when I lived in London. He was an Antique Dealer. Bond Street!

Poppypatchwork said...

I often say 'I understand my mum now', feeling very disassociated with aspects of our world.

Cro Magnon said...

One expects Newspaper editors to be reasonably well educated, but it seems not!

Anonymous said...

Take it as fun and not so seriously.

Yorkshire Pudding said...

Welcome to 2026 old timer!

local alien said...

Great translation Cro. Poor old DiCaprio. Hope the bowl wasnt an antique

Cro Magnon said...

Spoil sport!

Cro Magnon said...

No thanks.

Cro Magnon said...

An 'antique' in Hollywood is something pre-2020.

Caz.P. said...

Definitely no relation! My husbands uncles and grandad were trawler men from Hull. Before that, Fleetwood and Cornwall.( family tree)

Traveller said...

What do you expect from the Daily Mail, Cro?

Cro Magnon said...

Is it them again? Their new dumbing-down, to make all their new left wing readers feel at home, obviously isn't helping.

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