A highly-respected and admired gourmet once said, that a Cucumber should be carefully prepared by being wiped with a clean cloth, delicately peeled so as not to remove too much of the green exterior skin, cut into almost transparent thin slices, sparingly seasoned with Maldon Salt and carefully milled Pepper from Tellicherry, served on a fine porcelain plain white plate, then confined to the dustbin!
That 'wise gourmet' was right.
The above remnants of a Cucumber was the second I've bought in the past decade, and I soon realised why I'd not bought more. They really are the most unpleasant of vegetables. The taste in unpleasant, the texture worse, and it only helps to spoil anything that it accompanies (Cucumber is NEVER eaten alone, for obvious reasons).
Their only saving grace is when they are harvested at a very early stage (8 to 10 cms long). As such they can be preserved in Vinegar, and offered to unwanted guests alongside a decent English Cheese, before being returned to their jar for another occasion.
The very rarely used expression 'As calm (or cool) as a Cucumber' is as equally pointless as the object itself, and a more apt expression might be 'As inedible as a Cucumber' (© Cro Magnon 2026).
Cucumber verdict; 0/10
6 comments:
I may call your verdict as the result of ignorance or lack of imagination. The cucumber on your pic looks rotten and not fresh anyway.
If you venture into Aldi again, look for baby or mini cucumbers in the veg isle. They are a game changer. Crisp, sweet and delicious. No need to peel just trim the ends off.
If a Cucumber is your pinnacle of gastronomy, then I pity you.
I hope you didn't eat the one on your plate, it's well past its best.
No thanks.
It was actually very fresh; just a bad photo. No, it went into the bin!
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