Lady Magnon's Yuletide Cake.

Christmas, as everyone knows, is all about EATING. 

In the Magnon household, it is traditional to make our own Yuletide cake, and Lady M always does the honours.

This (above) is the mud-pie stage; when the mixture is spooned into its special spring-loaded baking tin.  Wishes are made, extra brandy is added (whilst Lady M's back is turned), and prayers are said, so that it neither explodes nor ends up as hard as rock.

The beast spends most of the afternoon baking at something like 140 C, whilst that wonderful aroma of home cooked cake wafts around the house. 

About 4 hours later it is removed, tapped, sniffed, and prodded. Verdicts are given, and more brandy added. Unfortunately we now have to wait another two weeks before we take the first slice; by which time it will be covered with marzipan, plastic reindeer, and a miniature snowman.

Well, you have to do things properly; don't you!

For Mr Tom Stephenson.

This sculpture, entitled 'The Venus de Bonio', was recently purchased for Monty and Bok.

It has obviously been left (for some considerable time) in a box, and they have asked me to do some remedial work on its 'arse'.

As it is Sunday, and I have little else to do, I shall re-carve certain parts to produce a portrait of Jordan (aka 48DD Katie Price).

I wish everyone a similarly productive Sunday.

Any confusion; please consult here.

As Others See Us.

In her best seller, 'Au Revoir', Aussie TV celebrity Mary Moody describes me as 'Dashing and Loveable'. 

I like 'Dashing and Loveable', I would even have a big banner made.

But, she also says I'm an 'Eccentric'. I am NOT 'Eccentric', in fact I would describe myself as extremely 'Concentric'. But there we are; one person's black is another person's white.

Modesty dictates that I show no more of Ms Moody's amusing assessment of me, other than to pick out the words 'Old Fashioned', 'Romantic', 'Solitary', and 'Talented', I'll go along with all of those; maybe even get another banner made.

It's just the word 'Eccentric' that erks. 

There was I, a-diggin this 'ole...

Yesterday morning we were quietly driving to the supermarket when I asked Lady M what she thought was mankind's most common activity (a normal enough question). As usual she dismissed me with a shrug of her shoulders, a roll of her eyes, and silence; so I answered for her.

'Probably hole digging, Cro' I said, doing my best to imitate her voice.

Well, we do dig an awful lot of holes. We dig for minerals, precious stones, and drinking water. We dig tunnels, foundations for buildings, and pools for summer fun. They're dug for tree planting, pipe laying, and even hidey-holes for Saddam. There's no end to the reasons, or inventiveness, for hole digging!

We seem obsessed with going downwards. 

'Don't you think so?' I asked Lady M.

'Did you put 'cat food' on your shopping list?' she asked. 

I shan't mention the subject again.

Disaster.

For some bizarre reason, my Late Flowering Purple Sprouting Broccoli has become Early Flowering Purple Sprouting Broccoli.

Usually this sees us through much of March and April, but this year it has gone bananas, and started to flower even before Christmas. This means that in Early spring we shall probably have no green vegs at all; unless they somehow start to flower again (which I doubt).

You can probably see by the stripped stem on the left (above), that we have already started to eat our sprouts. Usually I don't touch them until Christmas Day, but this year they just shouted out 'Eat Me'; and we have.

Otherwise Haddock's meagre crops comprises of Curly Kale, Carrots, and Swiss Chard; for which I am, of course, grateful. 

I really should be better organised; certain nearby veg gardens are overflowing with much more interesting offerings. Next year!!

Letter to Santa 2012.

Dear Santa (again). 

I really don't want much this year, honest. At my age, I've already amassed most of what I need, so please keep your all toasters, golf trollies, and Black and Decker stuff for those who really need them.

What I do need, however, are a variety of Teflon coated clothes that deflect moulted dog hairs, a magic wand that would make a ridiculous orange wall completely disappear (I'll say no more), and a Harris Tweed solar heated overcoat.  

I would also like a box of 'one a year suntan pills', a small pile of everlasting Oak logs, and several packets of non-GM vegetable seeds that repel all types of annoying insects.

Maybe I've already asked for too much, but if you also have a contact for some decent 'Layers Pellets' that really would make my hens lay all year round, then just the name and address of the supplier would be fine.

That's it. Nothing special. Mostly labour saving and comfort devices.

As usual, your mince pies, glass of Scotch, and carrots for the gang, will be waiting by the fireside on the big night.

Best wishes from your good friend, Cro x 

The Waiting Game.

We've almost lost the will to live!

About two years ago we asked our local 'specialist' builder to lay a 'perfectly smooth concrete floor' in our newly acquired barn. He quoted a phenomenally high price, we reluctantly agreed, then waited.... Nothing.

Eventually some men arrived and they levelled the floor with several lorry-loads of crushed stone. They also covered it with plastic sheeting.... Then nothing.

Several months later, different men arrived and laid down some reinforcing metalwork for the concrete.... Since then, nothing.

Soon it will be Christmas, then the New Year, then Easter, then the Summer Holidays, etc, etc. 

We've now given up even thinking about them. Maybe one day they will turn up, maybe not.  Frankly, we don't really care any more! 

Some time in 2013 would be fine!