Wednesday, 31 October 2018

I've been doing it all wrong!



France likes to tell you not only what to do, but also how to do it.

DIY products are probably the worst culprits. When painting your house you need to check that you have the right paint for the job; there are ceiling paints, wall paints, passage-way paints, door paints, cupboard paints, furniture paints, paints for toys, etc, etc; I could go on. Woe-betide you if you use sitting room wall paint on your bathroom ceiling.

I recently bought a small tube of ready made plaster to fill some tiny cracks (it was easier than mixing my own). When it came to choosing the right product, it suddenly became a nightmare. There were products for small cracks, big cracks, cracks in the bathroom, outdoor cracks, ceiling cracks, wall cracks, cracked lips; you get my drift. I eventually plumped for the cheapest, which did the job perfectly.

Now, I've just noticed the above written on my black rubbish bags. It tells me to tie-up the bag a minimum of 10 centimetres from the opening of the bag. Not 5 centimetres, or 15 centimetres; it has to be 10.

Of course, being a rebel, I simply grab two top corners of the bag and tie a knot with them. I just hope the bag-police don't find out.

OK, some people probably do need to be told how to live their every waking moment, but others can usually calculate how things work. I like to think I'm amongst the latter.



41 comments:

  1. Can you do me a favour and check if there are opening instructions on blister packaging hardware items? I love to know how to open them without slicing your finger off.

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    Replies
    1. I think that comes under the official 'Trade secrets act' of 1987.

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  2. Like you, I am a complete and utter knotter!
    But, I am a treble knotter.....
    I tie the first knot as you say... then the opposite two the same.... then the first two over that one again....
    well, we carn’t have every T,D&H looking at wot we throw away, wot??!!
    And the first thing in those bags is.... that ruddy “lien” that runs from top to bottom and gets trodden on as you walk to the bin with the full bag.

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    Replies
    1. My 'lien' always manages to hang out of the car door, when I take the bag to its dedicated 'Black bags only' bin. I once saw a yellow bag in there; I wonder if the culprit was guillotined?

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    2. I think that was Sue when she got confused. She was severely chastised.

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    3. I should hope so too; I was shocked!

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    4. We are no longer being issued with bags for the safety of the refuse workers having to lift heavy bags....
      however, this is France....
      we are still required to bag our refuse.
      Again, "however, this IS France"...
      they haven't yet supplied the binmen with lorries that allow them to hitch the bin on and empty it that way....
      SO....
      they have to reach into the bin and lift the sacks out and sling them into the truck...
      not only is this a Bad Lift, backwise, if the bag is heavy... but the bins are very deep...
      I can only reach halfway down!!
      So, until the "authorities" get their act together...
      the poor binners are suffering further strain and more risk of injury!!

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    5. We are obviously in a far superior area of France. Our 'refuse operatives' do have state of the art lifting lorries. The simple mechanism replaces two men, and pays for itself within a month or two; making it much more hygenic for the ex-workers who can now relax at home on the dole.

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    6. Ooooo! Meeow....
      Here, they just haven't bought the lorries yet.... they'll wait until the old carts need replacing and do them onebyone!!

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  3. Yes, I have noticed this phenomena, it applies to potatoes.
    Gone are the days when we bought a sack of potatoes to use for anything, we now have baking potatoes, roasting potatoes, boiling potatoes, chipping potatoes, etc, etc.
    Also having a rebel streak, I've been using baking potatoes for chips, I hope nobody finds out, I;d hate to have to explain to the potato marketing authorities.

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    Replies
    1. That's right. I've also noticed that some are combination varieties, for boiling and baking, and others for chips baking and mashing. I've not yet seen a variety for throwing, but it probably won't be long.

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  4. The answer regarding potatoes is to buy Maris Piper because it always says something along the lines of multi purpose which covers all eventualities (apart from throwing).

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    Replies
    1. When I was a wee lad, there were only two varieties; King Edwards and Maris Piper. Sadly neither variety are sold in France.

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  5. I bought a pair of gloves in a well-known diy store yesterday..neatly folded inside one were the Manual Instructions!

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  6. We purchased Pizza tray with large perforations. The instructions told us that it was unsuitable for making gravy. I would never have guessed.

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    Replies
    1. I wonder if someone had tried, otherwise why the warning!

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  7. Women have different creams for their face, hands, feet, eyes. There are night creams, moisturising creams, anti wrinkle creams, face lift creams....and I haven't even touched on the soaps and hair products yet.

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    Replies
    1. Men just use Sump Oil; I think it does the same job.

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  8. Generally in Britain, you are expected to know all about a product before you have ever used it. It is the Health and Safety instructions which have got out of hand, purely from fear of litigation. Notice on a wall heater in a shop near me: WARNING. HEATER MAY BE HOT.

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    1. The next generation won't be able to do anything without exact instructions. They'll be mentally disabled. Here one such instruction is to pour water onto green tea when it is 80 C. Not 75 or 85 but 80. I have a friend who has a thermometer which he studies carefully so that his tea is perfect. It's all very Kafkaesque.

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    2. I have just checked my wife's Tea Packet. No instructions whatsoever are given; how on earth is one supposed to make the tea? Non-English speaking immigrant families must be particularly affected; surely this is no less than racism.

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    3. My kettle said "warning, this kettle gets hot".

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    4. Ours SHOULD have said that..... Ouch!

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  9. Lord knows how we managed all those years ago before we were given all these instructions.
    Briony
    x

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    Replies
    1. It's a miracle (for which I'm eternally grateful).

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  10. Well, at least the instructions are clear, unlike anything from IKEA.

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    Replies
    1. WARNING: Assembly may take much longer than suggested!

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    2. warning: Assembly requires sainthood.

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  11. I think that you have just summed up how complicated life has become ..... instead of just having one product for a job, there seem to be hundreds ..... I had to buy a new cable for my MacBook Pro and another for my iPhone ...... it took me ages to find the one I needed as there were thousands, all similar !!! Sorry, I went slightly off piste ! XXXX

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    Replies
    1. Every household used to have just 2 screwdrivers; one large, one small. Now the choice is endless, and endlessly confusing. I'm beginning to think they really were the good old days.

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  12. It's all the light bulbs that defeat me ... not only halogen and LED (what happened to good old fashioned tungsten filament bulbs, those that lasted a very long time?) but bayonet or screw in, small bayonet or large, small screw in or large, warm light, clear glass ... and this doesn't cover those two-pronged bulbs that go into the ceiling track light ...
    Yes, life is ever more complicated.
    Margaret P
    www.margaretpowling.com

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    Replies
    1. Our new-fangled ones burn out so quickly, that we buy in bulk from a famous Brazilian on-line Co.

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  13. All these instructions are the result of lawyers and people who will sue if things don't work out the exact way. One can't assume anything anymore and common sense is not expected.

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    1. Litigation is the name of the game. Fail to warn that boiling water can be hot, and you could be forced to cough-up millions.

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    2. Oh sorry I said the same thing. I do not read all the comments before writing.

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  14. I have a friend who works for a law company who only writes the little " do not or how to" instructions. Why ? because common sense and the "I will SUE you" culture.
    One instruction she had to write was for the little plastic tube you breathe into to see how your lungs are doing after an operation. There is a marble sized plastic ball you have to push up with your breath and whole for a count of 10. Simple
    Parents sued the metical company who makes these because their child got the bead out of the tube (I don't know how) and stuck it up his nose. The parents sued instead of saying to their child "Do Not put anything up your nose ! So now the plastic covers says do not stick bead up your nose.
    People are stupid and money crazy.

    cheers, parsnip and badger

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    Replies
    1. Oh dear..... why didn't they think of that BEFORE being sued. Obvious, I would have thought!

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