A highly-respected and admired gourmet once said, that a Cucumber should be carefully prepared by being wiped with a clean cloth, delicately peeled so as not to remove too much of the green exterior skin, cut into almost transparent thin slices, sparingly seasoned with Maldon Salt and carefully milled Pepper from Tellicherry, served on a fine porcelain plain white plate, then confined to the dustbin!
That 'wise gourmet' was right.
The above remnants of a Cucumber was the second I've bought in the past decade, and I soon realised why I'd not bought more. They really are the most unpleasant of vegetables. The taste in unpleasant, the texture worse, and it only helps to spoil anything that it accompanies (Cucumber is NEVER eaten alone, for obvious reasons).
Their only saving grace is when they are harvested at a very early stage (8 to 10 cms long). As such they can be preserved in Vinegar, and offered to unwanted guests alongside a decent English Cheese, before being returned to their jar for another occasion.
The very rarely used expression 'As calm (or cool) as a Cucumber' is as equally pointless as the object itself, and a more apt expression might be 'As inedible as a Cucumber' (© Cro Magnon 2026).
Cucumber verdict; 0/10
26 comments:
I may call your verdict as the result of ignorance or lack of imagination. The cucumber on your pic looks rotten and not fresh anyway.
If you venture into Aldi again, look for baby or mini cucumbers in the veg isle. They are a game changer. Crisp, sweet and delicious. No need to peel just trim the ends off.
If a Cucumber is your pinnacle of gastronomy, then I pity you.
I hope you didn't eat the one on your plate, it's well past its best.
No thanks.
It was actually very fresh; just a bad photo. No, it went into the bin!
They are excellent for those on a low carbohydrate diet, not so good foe normal folk.
I ended-up chopping mine, and adding it to our lunchtime soup. It did nothing to improve it.
I'm sad you are victimising the poor cucumber!
I rarely buy them but eat home grown in summer when a cheese and cucumber sandwich is very good and my sweet and sour cucumber pickle is excellent.
very yellow looking. Aldi? not surprised.
I quite like cucumber with salmon in a sandwich.
I do love cucumber, but it does repeat on me, so I don't eat it much.
It isn't, but m YOU seem to be completely ignorant about the possibilities to use cucumber.
As well as agreeing with everything you say, cucumber also gives me indigestion, so I long ago stopped eating them. I wonder how something that is made up of mostly water can give me indigestion but it does.
Another vote in favour of the humble cucumber.
Your usual sense of humour I see!
Was the "highly-respected and admired gourmet" the Liverpool comedian, Ken Dodd? A summer salad without slices or chunks of cucumber is like a Sunday roast without Yorkshire Pudding.
I am sad to read you 'roasting' this useful vegetable. I love the smell of cucumber, it's so distinctive and clean. I use cucumber when I make fresh juice each morning, and where would a summer Pimm's be without it?
Our cucumbers are crisp and of course essential for a greek salad. All our grandchildren prefer cucumber before the tomato. We load the salads with cukes.
Even at this time of the year when they must be hothouse theyre fine.
But like everything else, its all a matter of taste. I presume Lady M feels the same way. Dont buy them!!!!!
I think fresh young cucumbers are sweet and delicious, and like local alien just said, they're essential for a Greek salad. And what about Tzatziki sauce? You don't like that either? What a shame!
In the bin or in your lunchtime
soup ???
I'm with YP and local alien. i love them!
Smiling over here while reading your cucumber critique. I love them especially if just plucked out of the garden. You can't beat a 'Boston Pickler' on a warm summer day, wiped clean with your hands and eaten on the spot. Supermarket cucumbers and tomatoes are generally dreadful this time of year and worth ignoring. I'm afraid I react to Cavolo Novo Kale the way you do to cukes. Sorry Cro as I know you love it.
I think every person should have at least one food they detest. In summer I make the most wonderful sour dill pickled cucumbers, I eat a pound or more a week of them for about 20 weeks while fresh small cucumbers are in season.
I also hate 'Bread and Butter Pudding'. Even the name makes me feel ill.
I like fresh home-grown cucumbers. The store-bought are terrible. My summer salad would not be right without at least one fresh cucumber.
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