Lady Magnon is a very conscientious road user; so much so that she has recently taken her 'Advanced Back Seat Drivers Certificate' (which she passed with flying colours).
She's always been very helpful whilst I'm behind the wheel, but she has recently taken 'helpful driving advice' to new heights.
Lady Magnon: Green, green, they've turned green. You can go now. Watch what you're doing!
Cro: Thank you dear, were it not for you, I really wouldn't have noticed.... Give me strength.
Lady M; Slow down, mind that car, you're in a 50 limit zone, you're going too fast, LOOK OUT!
Cro: Shut up.
Lady M: Turn left here... no, right... no, LEEEEEFT!
Cro: Make your bloody mind up.
Lady M: I meant right, you clot.... turn right HERE.
Cro: Left it is then.
Lady M: Now park over there; quick, look there's a free space..... QUICK..... Oh you're always so bloody slow.
Cro: Will you ever shut up?
Lady M: Don't interrupt me when I'm helping!
Cro: Sometimes I wonder how on earth I managed without you!
N.B. I apologise for the spelling of 'License' above; not guilty!
Funny how the passenger always seems to know better than the diver?
ReplyDelete'Always' being the important word!
DeleteToo funny. I never comment when in the car, then get blamed for not pointing out when a turning has been missed. You can't win.
ReplyDeleteDon't forget the imaginary brake pedal. Husband always grabs the handle above his door when I'm driving around corners, as though we're in a police chase.
ReplyDeleteThat invisible brake pedal gets more than its fair share of use.
DeleteI drive a lot and usualy alone, so I started to use the GPS which is ctiticising my driving.
ReplyDeleteI dare not say these things to the farmer, so I take my non existent hat off to you Lady M!
ReplyDeleteI convey my feelings by hand signals and the odd squeak.
I may be in trouble later.....
DeleteYou have reproduced exactly my regular experience. It has been exacerbated by the addition of a Sat Nav which in the eyes of my wife is the final arbiter of any route we take.
ReplyDeleteP gets the award in this house. He uses two words, slow and down, sometimes preceded by "I said" for extra emphasis. He sometimes shouts it to make his point too. Mostly I ignore. When he drives I am saying in a lot more words "why don't you go faster" and "get a move on" with several other words added. He ignores me too.
ReplyDeleteOh this is sooo familiar.... I just resort to 'yes dear' now whilst keeping thoughts of murder to myself.
ReplyDeleteI saw a good sticker on the passenger side of the dashboard of a friend's car. It said, 'Sit down, shut up and don't touch anything'.
ReplyDeleteWOw, she sounds like an impressive, advance backseat driver in need of a special licence! :)
ReplyDeleteMy husband feels the need to instruct and correct me the whole time I'm driving....which is why I usually refuse to when we're going someplace together.
ReplyDeleteMy hubs always complained about my back seat driving...however....when I wasn't with him was when he had his many accidents. Now he's lost his licence because of his eyesight and I do all the driving and he does all the back seat driving. Drives me to distraction.
ReplyDeleteMy hubby would tell you I am just like Lady M, I also use the imaginary brake pedal, hold on to the side of the seat and put my hand on the dashboard a lot I really am an awful passenger :)
ReplyDeleteTwiggy
I think Lady M and I must be related :D
ReplyDeleteI don't have a backseat license, but I do have my navigator's certificate.
ReplyDeleteI think I went to the same Back Seat Driving School as Lady M.
ReplyDeleteThe handle above the door is known as the 'Jesus!!' Handle in these parts because of the expletive (?) uttered when it has to be grabbed when the car goes round a bend 'on the door handles'.
ReplyDeleteI'll remember that!
DeleteIdentical to our car interactions....except the expletives would melt the paint off a wall !
ReplyDeleteI didn't include the worst ones.
DeleteOh dear. She sounds a lot like me.
ReplyDeleteI remember what my father said when driving..."I'd rather be told of something I'd already seen, than not told of something I'd missed...."
ReplyDelete