It's Sunday, and I'm heading off up into the loft.
I need to buff-up and sharpen my metre-long sabre, polish the buttons on my be-meddled Cavalry Officer's tunic, and fill my campaign trunk with a few Western essentials. I'm off to Tehran to have a word with Ali Khamemei.
I shall arrange an interview, and give him a jolly good talking-to. The man is a menace, and for someone who claims to be 'religious', he is a disgrace. I may even quote the Koran to him, if I can find any passages that talk of Islam being peaceful.
When I have him by himself, I shall grab one of his ears and twist it until he promises not to be so bellicose. If he squeals I'll grab his beard, and threaten to cut it off with my sabre. That should calm him and get him to abide by my demands.
Once I've dealt with Ali, I shall head for Moscow. I shall invite Putin to Tea somewhere nice; and show him how people behave in the democratic West. I have a feeling that after a scone or two, thickly spread with Raspberry jam and Devon clotted cream, and a cup of Lapsang, he will apologise for his recent actions, and promise to make repairs. I shall of course give him a time-table, and if all is not repaired before a certain date; I SHALL RETURN, and I will not be responsible for my actions..
Hopefully I'll be home again before nightfall, and shall reward myself with a slice of Pork Pie, and a glass of Harvey's rejuvenating Sussex ale, before heading off to Bedfordshire!
A job well done.
p.s. The above photo shows Ali enjoying 'blissful ecstasy' with his 72 virgins; but here on earth rather than waiting to ascend to heaven.
oh, if only.
ReplyDeleteI agree!!!
DeleteFOLOL falling over laughing out loud! Greatest comedy piece I've read in a while .
ReplyDeleteI was listening to YouTube last night and all of a sudden there were live coverages of drone attacks from Iran. I hope Yael is safe. She is the target and we are too close for comfort.
Yes, I worry about her too. She's the only person I know who lives in a permanent war zone.
DeleteHahaha, good luck with all that Cro!
ReplyDeleteI'll need it.
DeleteThank you Linda and Cro for thinking of me, it was indeed a difficult night. I did not sleep. The sky was like fireworks, the noises of exploding cruise missiles are different than just rockets that have been landing here for years. The planes didn't stop flying either, sometimes the house shook. It's morning and I'm glad I'm still here.
ReplyDeleteWe all worry about you. I just hope that Iran sees sense and stops firing their missiles. It will only end badly for them if they don't.
DeleteAn amusing post on a very frightening subject. It is all getting very chaotic and horribly messy.
ReplyDeleteAnd escalated by yesterday's Iranian attack on Israel. There are two heads that need firmly knocking together.
DeleteIt's becoming a scary, the middle east has always been on the brink, now it's rattling swords, very frightening.
ReplyDeleteStrangely, I think it might now calm a bit. We'll see.
DeleteI'm not sure how far you will get, avoiding decapitation but, good luck ! I'll send socks and chocolate. XXXX
ReplyDeleteDon't forget some red wine. One cannot live on socks and chocolate alone.
DeleteRemember to take a roll of quilted toilet paper as I believe that in Tehran they only have that horrible "Izal" non-absorbent paper that British schools used to provide. A small gift for Putin may be helpful. I understand he loves Cadbury's Buttons and hasn't been able to get hold of any since he decided to invade Ukraine.
ReplyDeleteHe probably bombed the Ukrainian factory that made the 'buttons' under licence.
DeleteYour journey sounds like a pilgrimage of sorts. The scones and tea sound excellent. 99% of the bombs were disabled as they flew toward Israel. Let's hope BN has not systematically widened the Gaza war by previously attacking a Syrian embassy which resulted in the attack against Israel last night. Under their current leadership, I do fear for the people of Israel, especially Yael because I feel I know her from the blogs.
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling that this silly attack will bring people to their senses. I may be wrong, but we'll see.
DeleteCro, I agree with Caz..."if only..."
ReplyDeleteHow in today's world and the things we know now does any of this make sense?
It makes no sense whatsoever; but there are people in power who are little Napoleons, searching for power and notoriety.
DeleteInstead come here and live the life!!
ReplyDeleteWe don't need our Cro Quixote de la Mancha, tilting at any windmills.
ReplyDeleteWhat a shame; I was looking forward to it.
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