Dear Santa.
It doesn't seem so long ago that you ignored my last letter, so let's see if you can do any better for 2013.
OK, maybe I haven't been 100% good this year; but I've tried.
Yes, I DID say some rude things about my nice neighbour, and I DID have inappropriate thoughts about that busty blonde checkout girl at the supermarket, but otherwise I've been quite good; I've done nothing you couldn't just overlook.
This year I'm only going to ask for ONE simple present; I'd like a fully operational 'MAGIC WAND'.
The work is going far too slowly up at the Séchoir. I need to get the new roof on, build the interior walls, install the kitchen and bathroom, connect the power, fit the windows, flatten the croquet lawn, speed up the growth of the new orchard, and then to piss into my neighbour's pool from the top of his orange wall (Oh Cro; now you've gone and spoilt everything; you'd promised to be nice to him!).
Your life-long and faithful friend. Cro xx
I like the idea of using your Santa letter as a confessional - I'm afraid mine would be full of unkind thoughts - but a magic wand would be great, especially for housework - where is your fairy godmother when you need her. Hope your Christmas is as good as you expect it to be Cro. p.s. love the black Santa - I saw a bus driver yesterday all kitted up in a Santa outfit which brought a smile to my face. Why do we all get stupid at Christmas time. I have a friend you delivers her Christmas cards round the village in a Santa hat does she think it will make us all feel more festive? (see what I mean about unkind thoughts!)
ReplyDeleteYou should go for realistic goals. Why not ask him to just crash his sleigh into your neighbour's wall and knock it down? It may not reduce your list if chores but there's nothing like a bit of schadenfreude to cheer you up.
ReplyDeleteThere was a discussion on Radio 2 the other day about the colour of Santa, I see you've cleared that up. lol
ReplyDeleteThanks for your amusing and interesting posts throughout the year and have a lovely Christmas.
Look forward to your posts in 2014
Briony
x
If you do get that magic wand would you consider renting it out after you are done with it?
ReplyDeleteHo ho ho, Merry Christmas. Fences or walls some times make for good neighbors. :0)
ReplyDeleteI was just heading out the door to Mass but now I have stuck in my head the image of Cro's Magic Wand. I'll have to say 10 Hail Mary's instead of my usual 9. Merry Christmas to you too!
ReplyDeleteCalvin and Hobbes have described it exactly : I try to be good, my heart is as pure as driven snow ! It's just that events beyond my control conspire against me.
ReplyDeleteSo I know exactly what you mean.
Cro, sorry to say this but Santa probably won't give you a magic wand. It would hurt his monopoly.
ReplyDeleteBut if he does, remember to blog about it, so that we all can pass on our wishes to you.
Happy Xmas to you and your family.
I've always wanted a magic wand. Since I was so high.
ReplyDeleteIt would be terrifically convenient. I'd lend it to you.
But all I can do is wish you a lovely Christmas with friends and family and suggest you just do what you can.
A magic wand would be cool, but I'd settle for an invisibility cape ;) Think of all the fun you could have with that!
ReplyDeleteI've been a bah humbug gal today and this gave me a much needed laugh. :)
ReplyDeleteHope old Santa grants your wish!