If I was to own a private helicopter (I admit, not very likely), it would have to be an APACHE.
It would have to be black, have plenty of false rockets/bombs, and look very menacing. Just imagine landing in one of those on your back lawn. It would certainly keep the neighbours in their place!
The Apache is one of the most sophisticated military helicopters ever made. I believe that during action, the pilots simply have to look at a target (via the helmet) and push a button. Everything happens automatically. Bang.
I'm not sure how much room there is in the back for suitcases, Lady M, Billy, etc, but I'm sure we'd make-do. We might even be able to fix a roof-rack. I'd probably also have to employ my own mechanic for regular services, which might prove expensive.
I'm also not too sure how the manager of my local Sainsbury's would see my landing it in his car park for my Saturday shopping trips. I might have to give him a £5 backhander to look the other way.
If I see a nice looking second-hand Apache for sale, and they're willing to take The Compact Royce in part exchange, then I might well buy one. It would certainly solve our horrendous traffic problems.
I'd better take Helicopter Flying lessons just in case.
I think the name Apache says it all. I call all military helicopters Apache. I'm impressed by that photo. They're real combat machines.
ReplyDeleteYou've possibly got enough land in France to land one. It would keep any nasty neighbours away
That's what I was thinking. Show them who's who!
DeleteThat post was a bit out of left field - what have you been watching?
ReplyDeleteNothing. I've always thought how nice it would be to have one.
DeleteTry as I might, I just cannot imagine an Apache landing in the back garden of your bijou residence in Brighton... unless it was a radio-controlled model helicopter.
ReplyDeleteWe do have a private, high-hedged, secret garden as well. We never go there, but it would be perfect for the Apache (as long as no-one was using it).
DeleteI know exactly what you mean. I would like to own FAB 1 and be driven around by Parker, but there's no parking space. Life can be so unfair sometimes. :D
ReplyDeleteI can see you in the back seat, giving instructions. Parker is the perfect chauffeur.
DeleteYou've just brought back to my memory one day at work (I worked in a visitor centre on the Norfolk coast), when an American apache approached us face on and just hovered in full view and looking very menacing. We were just dumbstruck but it was only there a couple of seconds and went away again. We were used to the Americans flying around the place on their excercises, maybe they were using us as target practice!
ReplyDeleteThat's the effect I want on my new 'townie' neighbours in France. I did see a Chinook over the cottage last year, but never an Apache.
DeleteWould you have to dress in an all black combat uniform with chunky weapon belts and a shiny helmet?
ReplyDeleteOf course! And I'd call everyone Y'all or Bro.
DeleteSeveral based in Suffolk.
ReplyDeleteYou could build a helipad on top of your Brighton residence to save parking problems.
We don't have a flat roof, but wouldn't it look wonderful sitting, parked, there.
DeleteCro, you've never struck me as an aggressive person, but thanks for the laugh!
ReplyDeleteIf it's only the traffic you're worried about, then hang on, because flying cars are going to be the next big thing - unless Musk has anything to do with them - in which case back to your dream of the Apache! I must admit that a flying Mini doesn't have the same kudos as a helicopter in full battle armour!
I do like the idea of flying cars. If they were roughly the same price as ordinary cars, I'd love to own one.
DeleteThere are military helicopters that occasionally practice take offs and landings at our very wee local airport. (Army National guard Huey's) One went over the house a little low yesterday and seriously rattled all my windows and dishes in the cupboard. I can't imagine the vibration from an Apache or Chinook! It would certainly get your neighbors attention.
ReplyDeleteIn France we have regular visits from the French Air Force, practicing their low flying over remote cottages. I'm amazed they haven't yet taken our chimney off. The noise is occasionally appalling.
DeleteI've never seen an Apache helicopter until your photo. It looks very sci-fi and ominous.
ReplyDeleteThey are frightening machines; designed to do as much damage as possible.
DeleteGet the full weapons package, just in case someone gets to close.
ReplyDeleteOn reflection, that might be better.
DeleteYou could always sling the shopping or luggage in nets underneath.
ReplyDeleteYes, I'm sure I'd manage somehow,
DeleteNever mind a net...you can simply load your luggage where the munitions go and drop your luggage where and when needed.
ReplyDeleteBy parachute?
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