How to become an INFLUENCER.

 

I've been wondering about this for a few years now, and I think I may have found the answer.

Originally I'd imagined that you simply had to be a bikini clad bimbo from somewhere East of London, where you were either a model, or a barmaid, or even both. You took some 'selfies', showing your 'Stunning Curves', and sent them to The Daily Mail, along with a CV stating that you were an 'Influencer'. It all sounded very simple; anyone could do it.

But it seems that it's not quite so easy. I looked on WIKI, and the rules are quite specific. There are various CATEGORIES of Influencer, and they are rigorously controlled. They are.....

A Nano Influencer has between 1,000 and 10,000 'followers'

A Micro Influencer has between 10,000 and 100,000 'followers'

A Macro Influencer has between 100,000 and A Million 'followers'

And a Celebrity Influencer has anything over A Million 'followers'.

I know what you're thinking; who or what are all these 'followers'? Well, once you have told The Daily Mail that you are an Influencer, you then establish Social Media accounts on Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok, YouTube, etc, and wait for 'fans' to express their love for you, and promise to 'follow' your every word. Hey Presto... you have become an official Influencer, blessed by Queen Katie of Price herself.

Next, how to earn your first million. This might take a few weeks, but when you advance from Nano to Micro, a small-time manufacturer of some Teenage 'Make-up' (it might be called 'Pretty Pink Lipsticks') might approach you, and offer a deal to promote their sickly Pink Lipstick.

Now advertised as 'Miss Bimbo's range of Fabulous Friday Nite Cozmetix', you will earn 0.02p on every product sold. 

It will take at least a week before you become a Millionaire, buy your first pink Range Rover, and put a deposit on that Apartment (overlooking the sea) you've always dreamed of in Torremolinos.

The second Million arrives by magic whilst you're taking more 'selfies' on some Spanish beach. It's as easy as that!

Stranger than Fiction

 

It sounds like FANTASY, but as we all know, our present UK Home secretary, Muslim Shabana Mahmood, has handed over £662 Million to the French to help stop illegal migrant rubber boats from leaving their shores, and heading for El Dorado. The French of course were very happy to receive this large donation and said 'Merci beaucoup Madame'.

Who came-up with the £662 Million figure is still unclear.

Just recently our Shadow Home Secretary Chris Philp was in Calais to see how things were going, and to assess what value the UK was receiving, for all our extreme generosity.

He stood on the shore and watched as huge overloaded boats headed for Dover. With him watching, and waving farewell, was a whole garrison of French Gendarmes.

When Philp asked them why they weren't attempting to stop them, he was told that they'd been instructed "Not to Intervene". Presumably just to stand-by and 'watch'.

So, let's get this right. We pay them £662 Million to intervene, and now we hear that the Gendarmes themselves have been instructed "not to intervene".

Would it be churlish of me to tell Mahmood to get off her effing backside and demand our effing money back? Who are these bloody lefty idiots?

Well, I suppose it's not HER money after all. It belongs to US, the mugs who pay Taxes, and with Handy-Andy up North, we're soon going to pay a bloody sight more.

Give me bloody strength!!! It's TRUE; the lunatics really are running the asylum.

Get on with it, and Finish the Job!

I have mentioned on several occasions, that on my brief 'Officer Training Course' the first thing we were taught were the hard-n-fast rules of all warfare. 

On page one of the 'How to win a War' book was written 'Know your enemy, go in strong, and go in hard'.... Also to prepare one's 'end game'. I think that advice is as important today, as it was when the (fictitious) book was written.

Frankly, Tru*p has dithered in Iran, and has ended-up with a total mess, not only in Iran itself, but also in the Straits of Hormuz (which Iran still controls). He has had no real success against Iran's war machine, and has already made an agreement to give them $Billions to rebuild the bits he's knocked-about a bit. The war itself has already cost the USA many $Billions, and Trump will soon be asking Congress for MORE!

You certainly don't start negotiating 'ceasefires' when the job is half done. What he needed was to destroy ALL OF THEIR rocket launching, and 'enrichment' sites, all of their barracks, all of their air and naval forces, and all of their runways and ports. He also needed to liberate the Iranian people themselves, and establish some form of democracy. Only then might you 'negotiate'.

Where are all those 'clean' Neutron Bombs we kept hearing about? They could have finished this 'war' in a couple of days!

Tru*p will now come away much poorer, whilst leaving the same regime in place. Iran's military capacity is still very strong, whilst his own is depleted. And he has still not gained control over Hormuz. At the moment he knows that the more infrastructure he destroys, the more it'll cost him to rebuild.

So far, I would call that an Iranian win! So why would they bother to negotiate?

A pressing problem for No 10 North.

 

The 'professionals' who criticise Government spending seem to be concentrating on the cost of 'Care for the Elderly'.

There are never easy ways to balance the books, but there are always ways to stop waste. There is always only so much in the coffers, the NHS wants a good chunk, National Defence is always after more, Education has recently been given self-inflicted wounds (which they are perfectly happy about), and of course the 'BENEFITS BILL' is astronomical.

I just did a tiny bit of research. It seems that the amount of people requiring 'Care' in the UK is round about ONE MILLION (figures vary hugely). At the same time we are housing, and paying generously, another ONE MILLION illegal immigrants.

The annual bill to pay for all the illegals is about £5.5 BILLION per annum (nice hotels, pocket money, etc. Prison costs for all their criminals are a different matter). Whilst money to pay for the care for our elderly seems to be running out, and no-one has a solution. Meanwhile the illegals continue to arrive, and we even send boats out to mid-Channel to bring them here.

Now, I have to admit that my knowledge of Government Finance is sorely lacking, but even I can see that something ain't right. We are giving huge sums to people who have no right to be in our country, and have NEVER paid into the system. Yet we haven't enough to pay for our own citizens who have probably paid-in ALL THEIR LIVES, and need some help in their final years.

I haven't yet heard the new boy 'Aye-up Andy' offering any solution to the problem, and somehow I doubt if I will. He is more interested in other matters, such as moving Downing Street up North so he can be closer to his Mum & Dad.

So, let me have your thoughts on this matter. I am genuinely very interested.

Who should we prioritise?

Walnut Oil

I've shown this short video before, but I think it's worth showing again.

This a nearby farm with it's own ancient press for making Walnut oil. I drink a soup-spoon of oil every day, in the same way that the Greeks drink Olive oil. It is filled with health benefits, and I would recommend it to everyone.

This particular bottle (below) was bought from a really lovely old chap at our local Saturday Market who has a small press on his farm. I forgot to ask him where he came from, I know of one farm in our village where they have a press; maybe he's from there. 

The oil is unfiltered and delicious, and comes with a delightfully hand-written label. Before returning to the UK, I shall certainly buy a few more bottles for the coming Winter.

The oil is superb; the real McCoy.

 

Planning.

 

We have been presented with a really worrying dilemma.

My oldest and best friend and his daughter, who are local farmers, own a nearby field on which they want to build a house. Kimbo was at school with the daughter so I suppose she's HIS oldest friend too.

Our tiny hamlet consists of three very old, and very beautiful, stone houses, set amongst perfect agricultural land. It has amusingly been known as the village's 'Riviera' on account of its spectacular location, and of being a bit 'posh' (non-farmers).

I am the doyen of both our, and the adjoining hamlets, and ever since I bought our tiny ancient ruin back in about 1976, I have ALWAYS been given the assurance that land here could NEVER be developed, on account of it being for agricultural use only. I was assured that nothing could ever change!

If they get the go-ahead, it would open the flood-gates for people to build on other bits of agricultural land elsewhere. A precedent would have been established.

On the above map the plot is measured in yellow, and the house behind it is the most beautiful (and expensive) of our three. The proposed building plot is right opposite the house. Haddock's is plot No 0413, and our house further off to the right.

This Million Euro house has just recently been sold, and the new owners are very pleasant, but I have heard that they (like us) are NOT HAPPY. The proposed new-build is literally a few metres from their front door. Their perfectly tranquil view would be instantly ruined. I cannot imagine someone building in the field in front of us!

I'm not going to fall-out with my friends, but I shall certainly let them know my feelings. We all feel as if we've just been slapped around the face.

I shall, of course, oppose the building request in writing (already done); I value the beauty and privacy of our lovely little hamlet too much. Our house is probably the least affected by the proposal, but I shall say 'NO'; more on behalf of the other two home owners, than ourselves.

THIS CANNOT HAPPEN.

Londonshire

 

With our new anti-London and anti-South East England Prime Minister (some bloke called Aye-up Andy) wanting to move the UK's seat of power up to some northern town, I would like to propose that London and the Home Counties declares UNIVERSAL INDEPENDENCE a.s.a.p. 

We have everything we need. A world-respected seat of government in one of the world's greatest cities, a very strong economy, and a population who have already worked hard all their lives, or are currently doing so. Our streets are clean, and we have very few unemployed. We have no need for some silly, and unnecessarily expensive,  'No 10 North'; we'll leave all that nonsense to Union members, strikers, and the work-shy. 

Andy can try his best to get them to pay for all his Socialist dreams; some bloody hope! But leave us Southerners out of it.

Down in Londonshire we'll get-by with Twickenham, Wimbledon, and Hickstead. We'll go to Ascot, Henley, and the Chelsea Flower Show. We'll go shopping in Harrods, Fortnum's, and Liberty's. And we'll take our children or grandchildren to visit The Tower of London, Buckingham Palace, and Lords Cricket Ground. We have little desire to visit abandoned coal mines, disused metal bashing factories, or Whippet breeding farms. 

To be a citizen of Londonshire, people will need to speak The King's English; and be easily understood. Londonshire will have very strict behaviour and decency rules. Ethnicity will not be a problem, but proof of assimilation will be essential.

Passports and residency papers would be strictly controlled, and entry to our highly desirable new country would only be granted to those who have the necessary requirements.

Anyone attempting to reach the British Isles by rubber boat, will need to land at Liverpool, Scunthorpe, or Grimsby. 

In future, Dover and the whole South Coast will be CLOSED.