I've been wondering about this for a few years now, and I think I may have found the answer.
Originally I'd imagined that you simply had to be a bikini clad bimbo from somewhere East of London, where you were either a model, or a barmaid, or even both. You took some 'selfies', showing your 'Stunning Curves', and sent them to The Daily Mail, along with a CV stating that you were an 'Influencer'. It all sounded very simple; anyone could do it.
But it seems that it's not quite so easy. I looked on WIKI, and the rules are quite specific. There are various CATEGORIES of Influencer, and they are rigorously controlled. They are.....
A Nano Influencer has between 1,000 and 10,000 'followers'
A Micro Influencer has between 10,000 and 100,000 'followers'
A Macro Influencer has between 100,000 and A Million 'followers'
And a Celebrity Influencer has anything over A Million 'followers'.
I know what you're thinking; who or what are all these 'followers'? Well, once you have told The Daily Mail that you are an Influencer, you then establish Social Media accounts on Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok, YouTube, etc, and wait for 'fans' to express their love for you, and promise to 'follow' your every word. Hey Presto... you have become an official Influencer, blessed by Queen Katie of Price herself.
Next, how to earn your first million. This might take a few weeks, but when you advance from Nano to Micro, a small-time manufacturer of some Teenage 'Make-up' (it might be called 'Pretty Pink Lipsticks') might approach you, and offer a deal to promote their sickly Pink Lipstick.
Now advertised as 'Miss Bimbo's range of Fabulous Friday Nite Cozmetix', you will earn 0.02p on every product sold.
It will take at least a week before you become a Millionaire, buy your first pink Range Rover, and put a deposit on that Apartment (overlooking the sea) you've always dreamed of in Torremolinos.
The second Million arrives by magic whilst you're taking more 'selfies' on some Spanish beach. It's as easy as that!
6 comments:
You're a bit of an influencer yourself Cro...you should be getting paid for all that charcuterie and stuff that you keep telling us about! You just need to get some of those TikToks and Instagrams and all that and you'll be well off!
I won't even sign up to advertising on this page (nor do I ever read the pages of others who do), so I'll have to remain someone of little influence, and without my pink Range Rover!
I agree with Sue G. You old influencer you! Sales of walnut oil have rocketed since your Monday post and there have also been spikes in relation to other food products you have showcased. Soon food manufacturers will be giving you commissions. You could also champion saggy off-white Y fronts, medication for the over 80s and union jack condoms.
Oh - and that reminds me Crozier - please accept my belated 80th birthday greetings. Quite a milestone.
Thank you YP. You're right I should be receiving commission on all those; especially the Walnut Oil. I've done more for the Walnut industry than Starmer did for Brylcreem.
I wonder who first coined the phrase influencer? Are they really digital attention seekers. I think that online Doctors and qualified health gurus deserve more the title of influencers.
But good luck to the other ones. We all like to see beautiful people.
But wasn't there a time when bucket lists were carried out after a lifetime of work? Now it's round the other way.
And have you seen how short tiktok videos are. Blink and you might miss them.
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