Dear Chelsea Football Club.
I understand that you are currently looking for a new manager, and I would like to apply for the position.
Admittedly, I've never actually played football, nor do I know anything about it, but I have played Rugby, Cricket, and rowed 'eights' at Henley. I don't see this as a hindrance or disadvantage, and I'm sure I could learn the rules (including the off side rule) within a very short period. If Beckham can grasp the fundamentals, I'm sure I could too.
As far as my managerial skills are concerned, I have run a village Youth Club, taught Art and Art History, and managed to raise 3 boisterous children. I speak English and French.
I have recently been viewing some of Chelsea's past Football games, and I think I can see where 'the lads' are going wrong. More concentration must be made of where the Goal Posts are actually positioned (if you get my drift); then it would be simply a matter of practising their 'aim'. I am sure I can be of help in this respect.
Back in the 60's I rented a small flat in Bramerton Street; just off the King's Road. This makes me an honorary local lad, and I would be perfectly willing to return to live in the area (on Saturdays).
If for any reason you decline my offer (through discrimination), I am prepared to accept an 'out of court' settlement..... May I suggest a very reasonable £5 Million.
Yours most sincerely Cro. xx
p.s. I have my own First Aid kit.
I'm sure they'll be calling you up first thing in the morning! :) And after you're a multi-millionaire, don't forget your friends! You can fly us all to France next year for a big party! Haha!
ReplyDeleteI'm waiting for their call right now!
DeleteI shall start watching football after they will take you as a manager.
ReplyDeleteI'll see that you receive a free pass to the Director's (and my) Stand.
DeleteDoes Rachel know about this ????
ReplyDeleteShe does now!
DeleteDear Mr Cro, we are particularly interested in your first aid skills as we do not wish to be bothered with employing club doctors any more, too much bother for us and our solicitors. If your application is unsuccessful we will recommend you to Man United where there will be a vacancy coming up shortly. Sincerely tak, from my yacht, Abramovich
ReplyDeleteDear Mr Stamford-Ambridge, may I join you on your yacht for further negotiations? Cro x
DeleteBrilliant!
ReplyDeleteI would be, I think.
DeleteWith all those qualifications they are sure to take you up on your offer.
ReplyDeleteThat's what I thought. Perfect for the job!
DeleteWish my computer skills were up to forwarding this to Chelsea!
ReplyDeleteThank goodness they're not.
DeleteWhat I don't understand is how you are going to fit your managerial duties in whilst tending to Haddock's, cooking up a storm, taking Bok out for walks and barn building plus tending to Lady M's needs ?!! José didn't do all of those things ...... you need to ask for a couple more millon Cro !! Perhaps I should be your agent !! XXXX
ReplyDeleteI was hoping it'd just be a Saturday job. But I'll certainly need a PA.
DeleteYes, I wondered how he'd manage it all too - but the First Aid kit might clinch it !
DeleteWith those skills I'm sure they will give you the job.
ReplyDeleteI'm still waiting confirmation.
DeleteBad Luck! The job's gone to a younger man...
ReplyDelete