Alfred.

                                          

I can't count the amount of times that we've recently said to each other "That bloke looks just like Alfred E Neuman" (it happened again last night).

Lookalikes turn up reading the news on TV, at the supermarket checkout, serving in restaurants, and elsewhere.

Could there be a new international breed of human, cloned from the great man himself?

I think we should be told.

Apologies in advance!

With all the tales of snow, sleet, hail, and rain from north of La Manche, I thought I'd rub salt into certain wounds and show you our Wisteria and Clematis flowers for one final time.

Everyone likes to think they live in a 'micro-climate', and we are no exception. Just a few kilometres from us, in the village where I buy my bread, the temperature is always much lower than ours. The village name of 'Frayssinet le Gelat' even suggests the colder weather that they often experience. They can be scraping ice from their windscreens whilst we sunbathe by the pool (well, almost).

This year, like last year, I rashly planted out all my tender summer vegetable plants well before the risk of frost was traditionally due to pass. All have remained un-frosted, whereas others in lower lying areas have lost theirs.

I don't want to suggest that we live in a subtropical or Caribbean climate; we don't. Temperatures are usually a few degrees above those of the UK in the summer, and occasionally a few degrees below those of the UK in the winter.     

However, for the moment, I'm pleased to be living here rather than 700 kms to the north.

And, just in case you were wondering, our mornings have been quite cold recently; just above freezing (between 3 and 5C). But nature compensates; cold nights means clear skies, and clear skies means sunny days. Swings and roundabouts!

Having said all this, yesterday afternoon was bloody freezing. 

Confetti.

I mentioned recently that Lady Magnon has been on a painting spree. Amongst her targets was this table and chairs that sit on our terrace in front of the house. 

Guess where exactly? You're right, it's underneath our currently flowering Quince tree.

Portmeirion (for the uninitiated).

                             

This may not look like North Wales, but that's where it is.

The village of Portmeirion was the brainchild of architect Sir Clough (pronounced Cluff) Williams-Ellis, who began building it in 1925, and finished in 1975. Most of the buildings are adorned with reclaimed architectural salvage, and one could be forgiven for thinking that one was actually in Italy.

                             

It was built overlooking the Dwyryd estuary, to the south east of Portmadog. Clough Williams-Ellis adored Portofino on Italy's Riviera, and based his village on the romanticism of such coastal Mediterranean towns and villages.

                               

I've only visited once (a long time ago), and I was overwhelmed. If  you are considering visiting North Wales in the future, I recommend you add it to your tour itinerary (along with Trelawnyd, of course), but do expect CROWDS.

The State of Play.

The 'tower' is swathed in flowers, it's like this all over.

This Cherry tree is also covered in flowers. It's GHG's tree, so we'll have to make some jam or jelly for him for when he's here in Summer.

Until this Winter I've always just taken cuttings of vines for the garden, but now I've actually bought a pukka grafted Black Hamburg, and it already looks as if we'll have a few bunches of grapes this autumn.

Haddock's is now fully dug and rotovated, apart from a tiny central strip that is still home to a few Curly Kale and Chard plants.

I'm reasonably happy about everything in my patch; it's all been manured, and completely weeded, and I've already planted various onions, cabbages, cauliflowers, aubergines, peppers, chillies, tomatoes, and courgettes. I'm now praying that we have no further serious frosts.

You might notice that some newly planted vines are circling the whole exterior fencing; so, I'm expecting double the size of my annual mountain of inedible grapes this autumn. They should look good anyway! I'll show you the resulting crop at a later date.

Unloved.

                           

A few days ago we returned to find a recorded message on our land line phone.

The wife of a builder that we occasionally use, who has Labradors, wanted to know if we would take a 6 year old Lab' bitch who has been tied-up for the whole of her life (the picture is NOT of her).

Lady Magnon of course at once said 'let's have her', but being more practical I suggested that one dog was really enough.

I telephoned the lady and thanked her for thinking of us, and explained our situation. I also asked why the poor dog had been tied-up.

She said that the poor thing had been one of a litter from her own dog, and they had all found what she thought were good homes. She followed the progress of all the pups, and said that when she occasionally visited this particular one it was always attached. She was not pleased, and eventually demanded the dog back. She hoped we might take her.

It's a sad scenario, but many people in France treat their dogs this way. They have no idea how to look after animals, and think it enough just to feed and water them, then keep them tied to a kennel.

I don't know how much this poor dog will have been damaged by her lack of exercise and affection, but someone will no doubt have a lot of re-training to do. I would have liked it to be me, but it just wasn't possible.

The World's Most Difficult Job?

Imagine you work for an advertising agency, and your boss says 'I want you to think of an innovative way to describe a brand new miracle whitening toothpaste'.

My present one (above) claims 'White Now, Instant Triple Power, GOLD, with blue light technology'. Its claims only lacks 'Contains our revolutionary XZ27', or 'With the power of Dentogleem', or 'Developed by NASA', etc.

My usual brand suggests the hardness of diamonds, with 'Code White' whatever that is!

Surely every combination of words for extreme whiteness, and super-restorative enamel strength, has already been used; so, where do they go next!

I think I've seen more ridiculous descriptions on tubes of toothpaste than on any other product, other than on women's face creams, maybe, or wine labels, or exercise machines, or internet connection claims, or over 50's life insurance.... I could go on.

All suggestions welcome.