Bibs, Serviettes, Napkins.

Does everyone use serviettes at table? I'm not sure.

Having spent over half my life in France, I have naturally adopted many French ways, one of which is always to use a serviette.

This isn't just any old serviette, but a 'Normand' serviette. They are the National Serviettes of France. The official Government Serviette. The Serviette of The Elysée Palace. The Serviette of The French Foreign Legion. The Serviette of every single household in the whole of France and its Overseas Territories. They are France beside one's plate.

As long as I've been aware of them, they have always remained the same. They are a good size; 45 by 45 cms. They are 'substantial', being made of 100% cotton. They mostly come in red/white checks (occasionally green or blue). And they are of a loose-ish open weave. In fact they are the perfect bib for everyday use.

For some strange reason I only had ONE here in Brighton (dozens in France), so when it was in the wash I was obliged to use an inferior replacement, that I really didn't like!

So, being quick witted (it's taken 3 years) I decided to look on the Jungle Site, and buy some more.

There they were, I found them in packs of 3 (why 3 I have no idea), so I ordered 3 packs of 3. Yesterday some oaf of a delivery man threw the package onto my doorstep, and fled. A traditional delivery.

So, today I'm much happier than I was yesterday.

I note on the pack it says 'Fabriqué au Pakistan'...... Well, you can't have everything!!!

Nameless neighbours.

 

No doubt you remember an occasion when you were on holiday in some small hotel in Rimini or Florence, and you named your fellow guests by their appearance. 

There might have been 'The Green Lady' on account of her strange hair colour, or a 'Mr Four Whiskies' on account of his drinking habits, or even a 'Mrs Doolittle' on account of how she held her knife like a pencil. Well, it's not unlike how we name some of our neighbours.

We used to have two elderly ladies as neighbours. One was named Mrs Old (her real name), so her next door neighbour became Mrs Not So Old. Next door to them was Smoking Woman, for obvious reasons. Our immediate neighbour was known as His Excellency, having been Ethiopia's Ambassador in Sweden.

All of the above are now deceased.

Currently we have a 'Mercedes Man' on account of his soft-top German car. He arrives at his home at strange hours on random days, spends maybe a few hours or a few days, then disappears again. We know absolutely nothing about him; where he goes or what he does. We don't even know his name. We quite like it that way. 

When on holiday, it is rather infra dig to ask people their names, so naming them according to some quirk is all part of the fun. I can remember a Hoots-mon (is that how it's spelt?), a Funny Leg, a Mr Doom, and a small girl that we named Pug.

Of course, not all this is one sided, one has to expect others to give you some awful name as well. I do know that one of my neighbours in France has a pet name for me, but I've never got her to tell me what it is. Otherwise I'm possibly known as Old Fart, or That Bloke with the Black and White Dog, or I pity his Wife; etc. 

Life's rich tapestry.

Some Animals

Below is a photo of two of my grandsons (when they were much smaller) with our Labrador Monty. 

Monty was our first dog when we returned to dog-keeping back in 2011. We adopted him as a Puppy from Ms Tadpole's rescue place; he soon grew.

Yesterday when I was returning from my morning walk with Billy, I came across a most extraordinary sight. Sadly I didn't have my camera with me.

Sitting on the other side of a wire fence, just a couple of feet away, was a Fox Cub, and sitting by his/her side was a Tabby Cat. They were calmly sitting together, just a few inches apart, like old friends. Billy just looked at them, and eventually we moved on. My resolution for '26 is to have my phone with me at all times!!!

Two years ago when Billy brought home a baby Deer, again I didn't have my phone at hand. I've missed some wonderful pictures in recent times.

We probably should have named Monty 'Topsy'.

 

Cucumber

A highly-respected and admired gourmet once said, that a Cucumber should be carefully prepared by being wiped with a clean cloth, delicately peeled so as not to remove too much of the green exterior skin, cut into almost transparent thin slices, sparingly seasoned with Maldon Salt and carefully milled Pepper from Tellicherry, served on a fine porcelain plain white plate, then confined to the dustbin!

That 'wise gourmet' was right.

The above remnants of a Cucumber was the second I've bought in the past decade, and I soon realised why I'd not bought more. They really are the most unpleasant of vegetables. The taste in unpleasant, the texture worse, and it only helps to spoil anything that it accompanies (Cucumber is NEVER eaten alone, for obvious reasons).

Their only saving grace is when they are harvested at a very early stage (8 to 10 cms long). As such they can be preserved in Vinegar, and offered to unwanted guests alongside a decent English Cheese, before being returned to their jar for another occasion. 

The very rarely used expression 'As calm (or cool) as a Cucumber' is as equally pointless as the object itself, and a more apt expression might be 'As inedible as a Cucumber' (© Cro Magnon 2026).

Cucumber verdict; 0/10

 

And it continues

How much more of this do we have to endure before someone, somewhere, does something about it?

On Tuesday, a 13 year old boy entered a school in North West London (Brent), and shouted "ALLAHU AKBAR" before pulling-out a knife and stabbing two similarly-aged pupils.

He then left the school, and after having visited a nearby Mosque, he was arrested. The police will not name him for the usual idiotic reasons. Nor are we allowed to have a photo.

The two victims were said to be in a 'life-threatening condition' in hospital. The perpetrator is probably now in a 'Youth Holding Facility', and enjoying all the comforts it offers.

Most British people feel the same way about such crimes, but are not allowed to express their thoughts; nor am I.

What I will say, however, is that it has got out of hand. We all know what is going on, but no-one is prepared to look-for, or find, a solution. We just sit here and sigh..... 'Oh no, not again!'.

This latest religious-inspired attacking of 'infidels' came as we were still reeling from the court case of Anthony Esan, following his attack on a serving British Army Officer, Lt Col Mark Teeton, in Chatham. The vile attacker, Esan, will be sentenced any day. It is my own choice NOT to show HIS photo.

Such attacks are illogical, irrational, random, and unannounced. We know they are being plotted behind our backs at this very moment, and people have become wary of simply walking around. Life shouldn't be like that in our own country!

New-Speak

Headline writers ain't what they used to be!

I will attempt to translate this New-Speak newspaper headline that baffled me recently.

It seems that a happy American actor, Leonardo DiCaprio, has 'busted' something or other whilst moving house (maybe?), which involved some ice cubes. He was probably looking for something to cool his drinks. 

At the same time, someone called B F F Tobey Maguire had broken one of Leonardo's really super (possibly antique) bowls, and his girlfriend rips into the Italians, saying that their ice was far too slippery. They are all at The Winter Olympics.

What the inexperienced headline-writer should have written was 'Actor slips on ice at Winter Olympics, and breaks precious bowl'. Much better, and to the point!

 

Partridge.

I'm quite partial to 'Game'. Pheasant, Grouse, Quail, and Partridge will all be on the menu when available.

Kimbo went to his favourite Farmer's Market last weekend, and bought me this (below). As you might imagine, I was delighted.

It did warn that it 'May Contain Shot', but I didn't find any.

I must say that I was a little surprised that Partridges are in large enough numbers on The Downs in order to make a business out of its meat. I used to go Rabbit shooting on a friend's farm very nearby, but I never saw a Partridge.

I fried them very simply in butter, with a small amount of garlic and Parsley, and served them on a bed of Cavolo Nero. Simple and delicious.

Verdict: 10/10